The Break-Up: (Kogitsune X Mikazuki)
by Akasha1908
Summary: You should never take love for granted. A lesson Mikazuki learns the hard way...
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER 1**

The morning's sunlight shone brightly through the east-facing windows, casting the room in the warmth of its glow. Summer was at an end, so the soft breeze entering through the open sliding door cooled the entire space. All in all, it was a pleasant morning, and Mikazuki was enjoying it with his boyfriend of 6 months, Kogitsunemaru...

"You cheated!" Kogitsune exclaimed, his booming voice shattering the morning's serenity. "I leave for two seconds and you switch the pieces!"

"Don't be ridiculous," Mikazuki replied, smiling sweetly at his lover from across the game board. "I would never cheat."

"There are more pieces on the board than when I left, Mikazuki. I'm not an idiot!"

"Is that so?" Mikazuki replied, tapping his finger to his chin. "How can you tell?"

"Because," Kogitsune said through clenched teeth, "we've been playing the game for over an hour. I think by now I'd know the setup of the board."

"Really?" Mikazuki asked, brushing the hair from his eyes as he selected another stone. "So you remember every placement of every stone right down to which color was which? That's quite impressive. I wonder," he continued, his tone light and airy. "If I removed all the stones from the board, do you think you could put them back in the right order?"

"Of course not," Kogitsune answered irritably. "That's not what I meant and you know it. I remember where I placed my last stone, and that," he emphasized, pointing to where one of his black stones now lay, "wasn't it."

"But how can you be sure? You said it yourself; you don't remember the exact position of each stone. Perhaps you're mistaken. Who knows, you could be confusing this match with the one we played last week."

"Or maybe," Kogitsune said mockingly, "you're cheating like you always do."

"I don't like your tone," Mikazuki replied, placing his stone on the board.

"And I don't like cheaters," Kogitsune shot back.

Mikazuki glanced up, meeting Kogitsune's heated glare. Though there was a smile on Mikazuki's face, the look in his icy blue stare spoke of silent warning.

"Funny," Mikazuki answered wryly. "You didn't seem to have a problem with 'cheaters' last night." His gaze returned to the board, "or the night before that."

Kogitsune started to speak, but when Mikazuki's eyes flickered up to pin him with another cautionary gaze, his mouth clicked shut. Mikazuki smiled in self-satisfaction, leaning back and lacing his fingers together on his lap.

"Your turn," Mikazuki said, fluttering his eyelashes invitingly.

Kogitsune's eyes narrowed on Mikazuki as he picked up his next stone. He said nothing as he examined the board. In fact, he didn't utter more than three words for the rest of the game. Mikazuki ignored the male's pouting, carrying on as if their brief argument had never happened. But when Kogitsune made his goodbyes without so much as a kiss on the cheek, Mikazuki couldn't help but feel the icy chill of his lover's cold shoulder.

Come dinner, it was even worse. Kogitsune made it a point to sit on the opposite side of the table, so engrossed in his conversation with Tonbokiri that he didn't even bother to play footsies with Mikazuki under the table. But the icing on the cake came after dinner. Like a blow to the stomach, shocking and unexpected, all one could do was curl into a ball and wait for the pain to pass...

All the Swords, with the exception of Mutsunokami Yoshiyuki and Yamanbagiri Kunihiro who were on kitchen duty, filed out of the dining room. Mikazuki slipped between Tsurumaru and Tonbokiri, grabbing Kogitsune's hand and dragging him down the empty corridor to the left.

"I haven't seen you since this morning," Mikazuki whispered, rubbing his body against Kogitsune's muscular frame.

"Yeah," Kogitsune muttered, trying to extract himself from Mikazuki's hold. "I had some... things to take care of."

"Well," Mikazuki said, shoving Kogitsune hard against the wall. "I've been thinking about you all day, and you know what?" he whispered, reaching between their bodies to cup Kogitsune half-hardened cock. "I don't think I can make it your room."

"Mikazuki, I'm not..."

Mikazuki pressed a kiss to Kogitsune's lips, cutting off his lover's protests. "Take me somewhere," he whispered, feathering kisses along the line of Kogitsune's jaw.

"I'm not in the mood," Kogitsune said, pushing him away.

Mikazuki smiled seductively, reaching for Kogitsune's cock again. "Doesn't feel like it to me."

"I said," Kogitsune repeated, moving out of Mikazuki's grasp. "I'm not in the mood."

Mikazuki snorted indignantly. "Is this some kind of game? If so," he replied, licking his lips enticingly, "I like it. You should play hard to get more often."

"It's not a game," Kogitsune answered impatiently. "I just don't feel like it.

"But you always feel like it," Mikazuki chuckled softly, reaching out to thread his fingers through Kogitsune's long white locks. "Usually, I'm the one begging for a break."

Kogitsune jerked out of Mikazuki's reach. "Yeah, well, not tonight."

Mikazuki's smile slipped from his lips. "Is this about the match this morning?" he asked, taking a step forward. "If it is, I..."

"It's not about the match," Kogitsune answered, taking a step back.

"Then what is it?"

Kogitsune snickered humorlessly, shaking his head. "Why am I not surprised?"

"Surprised about what?" Mikazuki asked, crossing his arms over his chest. "If something's wrong, just tell me."

"That's the point, Mikazuki. I shouldn't have to tell you."

"Then how else am I supposed to know?" he retorted. "I can't read your mind! And the last time I checked, things were fine until..."

"Fine?" Kogitsune hissed. "For you, maybe. But for me? Not so much."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Kogitsune took a deep breath, running an unsteady hand through his hair. "The fact that you have to ask is exactly why I can't do this with you anymore."

Mikazuki was struck speechless for several seconds, a flurry of responses forming in his mind, none of which he could seem to verbalize.

"Can't do this anymore?" Mikazuki repeated, his tone saturated with confusion. The words sounded so wrong coming from Kogitsune's lips that it was almost like the male was speaking another language. "I don't understand."

"I'm tired, Mikazuki. I'm tired of trying to force something that should've never happened in the first place. You might not realize this, but it takes two to make a relationship work, and I'm sick of being the only one trying here."

Mikazuki's entire body shook with disbelief. "So, what? You think I'm not invested in this relationship? I do my part, Kogitsune. I show you my love every night I warm your bed. I give you everything and deny you nothing! Even when I'm exhausted and my body is spent, I still..."

"You think this is about sex?" Kogitsune asked, his tone a mixture of anger and frustration. "Love doesn't equal sex Mikazuki!"

"I know that, I'm just saying...

"No," Kogitsune said, shaking his head in disappointment. "You don't know."

The walls of the hall seemed to constrict, closing in all around Mikazuki. His chest tightened, the air evaporating from his lungs. He blinked once, then twice, wondering why his body suddenly felt so very, very heavy.

"I'm sorry, Mikazuki, but I... I can't do this."

A burst of humorless laughter erupted from Mikazuki's lips. "A-are we... breaking up?"

"Yeah," Kogitsune said, the finality in his voice like a knife to the heart. "We are."

 **CHAPTER 2**

Kogitsune leaned heavily against the handle of his flat rake, thankful for the cool autumn breeze blowing across his sun-kissed skin. He wiped the sweat from his brow with the back of his hand, grabbing the strip of cloth at his waist to dry the back of his neck.

"You done?" Mitsutada called from across the field.

"Almost," Kogitsune called back.

"Let's take a break. I'm dying of thirst here!"

Kogitsune nodded, grabbing his rake and setting it against the large wooden shed. He hiked over to where Mitsutada stood, stretching the muscles in his arms and chest as he waited for the Sword to stow his equipment.

"At this rate we'll be done before noon," Mitsutada said, lifting his eyepatch so he could wipe the sweat from his face.

"Looks like it."

"You still have Mika-chan's chores to do, right? If you want, I can give you a hand. Kuri is out on a mission, so it's not like I have anything to do after this."

"Nah, I'm not doing his chores anymore."

"Really?" Mitsutada snorted. "Has Mika-chan come to his senses then?"

"Like that'd ever happen," Kogitsune answered dryly.

Mitsutada frowned, his brow furrowing in confusion. "Everything okay between you two?"

Kogitsune wasn't in the mood to talk about his break up with Mikazuki, but he couldn't dodge the subject for long. It was only a matter of time before the rest of the household found out, might as well get ahead of it while he could.

"We broke up," Kogitsune said, making his way to the house.

Mitsutada jogged to catch up. "For real?"

"Yep."

"Do you... wanna talk about it?"

"Nope."

"And you're... okay?"

"Yep."

They entered through the kitchen door, wiping their feet on the woven mat before taking a seat at the small round table in the corner. Cook was making preparations for lunch, taking a moment to pour the two Swords glasses of ice water before returning to her task. Mitsutada was kind enough to drop the subject until Cook was out of earshot.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Mitsutada asked, eyeing Kogitsune over the rim of his glass.

"I said I'm fine."

"Yeah, I hear you, it's just... I know how you feel about him. It couldn't have been easy for you to end things."

"Actually," Kogitsune replied. "It was."

"So was he... upset, or...?"

"Honestly, I don't know. I said what I had to say and left."

"Damn," Mitsutada breathed, leaning back in his seat and examining Kogitsune from across the table. "That's cold-blooded."

Kogitsune laughed humorlessly. "Like you didn't know this would happen."

"Didn't know what would happen?" Mitsutada asked, feigning innocence.

Kogitsune stared at the cup in his hand, watching the condensation slide down the side of the glass and drop onto the table. "Who won the pot?" he asked, hesitating a moment before taking swig.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Kogitsune snorted loudly. "Don't play dumb. I'm talking about the bet. The one everyone in the house was in on. Me and Mikazuki made it 6 months, so I'm guessing whoever bet the longest probably won, right?"

Mitsutada ran a hand down his mouth, his gaze dropping to the table. "It was just a bit of fun, Kogi. It wasn't meant to..."

"Who won?"

"It was, uh... Master. He bet 6 months exactly."

"Wow, even Saniwa-sama was in on it," Kogitsune chuckled, downing the rest of his water.

"It was a joke, man, I swear. It's not like we were rooting for you two fail or anything, we just... we all know how Mika-chan is, so..."

"How much?"

"How much what?" Mitsutada asked.

"How much money did Master win?"

Mitsutada fumbled through an answer, but Kogitsune stopped him before he could make his reply.

"You know what?" Kogitsune said, setting his glass on the table. "I don't care."

"We never should have cast the bets, Kogi. It was wrong and inconsiderate and I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," Kogitsune replied, pushing out his chair and climbing to his feet. "You guys saw what I couldn't."

"For what it's worth, I feel terrible. I know how much you love him."

"Loved," Kogitsune said. "Past tense."

"If you want, I can finish the rest of the work. You know... if you, uh... want some time or... whatever."

"No need. There's not much left to do anyway. Besides, I've got another couple of hours before I have to meet Hana."

"Hana?" Mitsutada said, the shock in his voice more than obvious. "Isn't that the new servant girl?" He shook his head, the corner of his mouth turning up in a half smile. "That was fast."

Kogitsune shrugged. "It's not serious if that's what you're thinking."

"I didn't say it was," Mitsutada replied, lifting his hands in mock surrender. "Who am I to judge anyway? After Mika-chan, you deserve a little happiness, even if it's only temporary."

Kogitsune glanced over at Mitsutada, hating the way his friend could see right through to his real intentions.

"I'll meet you outside," Kogitsune said, leaving Mitsutada sitting at the table.

Kogitsune refused to feel guilty about moving on so soon. He hadn't known Hana long, and even though he had no intentions of getting serious with the young servant girl, he liked her and the way she made him feel. She was shy and beautiful; innocent and caring, and ever since Kogitsune had met her, she'd done nothing but try to make him happy. It was Hana's constant doting that had planted the seed of discontent in Kogitsune's heart, forcing him to ask the question, _"Was he really happy with Mikazuki?"_

The first time Hana had smiled at him, Kogitsune's first thought had been, _"What I wouldn't give to see Mikazuki smile at me like that."_ To see sincerity and adoration in his lover's eyes, rather than secrets and manipulation... it was too much to hope for.

There was no limit to what Kogitsune would have done for Mikazuki, yet he'd never, not even once, heard the words, _"Thank you"_ from his lover's lip. And though he'd said the words _"I love you,"_ to Mikazuki any number of times, the Sword would simply reply with an amused, _"I know,"_ or _"Of course you do."_

Was it wrong to want to feel loved? To feel appreciated? There was no question of Kogitsune's feelings towards Mikazuki. He'd fallen hard for the beautiful Sword from day one, doing anything and everything to prove his love. As a result, he'd become a laughing stock amongst his friends, often compared to a house-trained puppy following around its Master. At the time, Kogitsune didn't care. How could he? He was beyond infatuated, completely entranced by Mikazuki's calm demeanor and cool beauty.

He could still remember the first time he'd taken Mikazuki to his bed. From that glorious moment on, Kogitsune had viewed their love making as an expression of true intimacy. For him, it went beyond a physical connection; the joining of their bodies nothing more than a conduit for the union of their souls. It was a transcendent, almost spiritual experience, leaving him breathless and wanting more.

But then Kogitsune had met Hana, and slowly but surely his perception of his relationship had changed. With just the gentle touch of her hand, a simple glance from across the room, Hana had shown Kogitsune the real meaning of intimacy. She had opened his eyes, showing him what it felt like to be truly connected to someone. Imagine his surprise when he realized it had nothing to do with sex.

From that day on, Kogitsune never looked at Mikazuki the same way. With every impish grin and hooded gaze, the calculation in his lover's pale blues eyes became more and more apparent. Kogitsune could see the deception hidden behind Mikazuki's perfectly executed smiles; hear the fallacy in the male's charming voice and melodic laughter. He'd fallen under Mikazuki's treacherous spell, and he was ashamed...

It had taken close to a month for Kogitsune to accept the ugly truth of his relationship. Mikazuki would never love him the way he deserved to be loved, and no amount of sacrifice on Kogitsune's part was ever going to change that. It was then he realized he had a choice; stay or run. He chose to run.

Now, don't for one second think that Kogitsune was a fool. He knew Hana wasn't the person he'd end up with, and he knew she understood that as well. But Kogitsune liked the way he felt when he was around her, and at a time like this, when his confidence was as shattered as his broken heart, her solace was a much needed comfort.

Mikazuki would no doubt find out about his affair with the lovely servant girl, but after months of being treated like a stray dog begging for the love of its Master, Kogitsune needed to feel wanted and appreciated. Yes, it was selfish, and to some it would seem downright cruel. But when you've been used and abused for as long as Kogitsune had, you lose the ability to care about such things. He was finally happy, and he'd be damned if he was going to let Mikazuki take that away.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 3**

Tsurumaru poured Mikazuki a cup of tea, doing his best to make the environment as comfortable as possible. Roughly a week had passed since the breakup, and though it was now common knowledge throughout the house, Mikazuki had yet to discuss the unexpected split with his best friend, Tsurumaru.

However, this wasn't for lack of trying. Tsurumaru had been attempting to have this conversation since the moment word reached his ear. It was hard enough dodging questions from everyone else in the household, but talking to Tsurumaru was different. Mikazuki couldn't lie to him, nor could he pretend that he wasn't slightly perturbed by his current single status. Tsurumaru would see right through him, and like a dog with a bone, he would press Mikazuki until he found the truth.

"So," Tsurumaru said, bringing his cup to his lips and blowing on the steaming liquid. "How are things?"

"Fine," Mikazuki replied, shifting uncomfortably on the mat.

"Are you sure? You look a bit tired. Have you been sleeping properly?"

"Mmhmm," Mikazuki answered, taking a sip of his tea.

"So I guess I'm just imagining those dark circles under your eyes?"

"I said I'm fine, Tsuru-chan," Mikazuki replied, smiling as convincingly as possible. "And frankly, I'm tired of explaining that to everyone."

"Understandable," Tsurumaru said, pinning Mikazuki with a knowing look. "But it's obvious that you're not fine. You're unusually pale, there are circles underneath your eyes, and you don't leave your room unless you have chores. Look at me, Mika-chan," he ordered, setting his cup on the table. "When was the last time you ate anything? Can you even remember? You haven't come to dinner in like a week, and Cook says you send all your meal trays back untouched."

"I can't help it if I'm not hungry," he answered tightly, irritated that his every move was being scrutinized. "And just because you don't see me eat, doesn't mean I'm not."

"What about yesterday?" Tsurumaru said, sitting back on his heels. "Yoshi said you collapsed in the market. He had to carry you back!"

"I was dehydrated," Mikazuki retorted. "It was unusually hot for an autumn day, and I wasn't drinking like I should have been. We were stacking 100 pound bags of rice in the blazing sun for like 6 hours. I over did it, that's all."

Tsurumaru shook his head in frustration. "I'm trying to help you, Mika-chan. We all are. You don't have to pretend to be okay, especially since it's so apparent that you're not."

"I'm. Fine," Mikazuki insisted, setting his cup down. Though he tried to hide the tremble of his hand, the glass rattled against the tabletop, causing tea to spill onto the polished wood. "I don't know why everyone just assumes I'm falling apart. Yes, it hurts. And yes, I'm sad. But I'm dealing with it, okay? Kogitsune has moved on and eventually I will, too. Until then, I would really appreciate it if everyone would stop making such a big deal about it. People breakup all the time. Surely there are more important things for you all to concern yourselves with than my love life, or the lack thereof."

"Mika-chan, no one cares about your love life. It's _you_ we're worried about. You're not taking care of yourself, not to mention you're more forgetful than usual. For god's sake, you left your sword in the bath house yesterday!"

"I was going back to get it."

Tsurumaru rolled his eyes. "You were about to leave for a mission without it. Why do you think Master pulled you off the team?"

"Anyone could have made the same mistake," Mikazuki shrugged.

"No, Mika-chan," Tsurumaru said dryly. "No one else but you would have done that."

"Well, my forgetfulness has nothing to do with my breakup," Mikazuki replied, waving his hand dismissively. "Kogitsune and I had a good run, and I was as shocked as anyone that it ended, especially since things were so perfect in our relationship. Still, that doesn't mean I'm…"

Mikazuki caught the flash of surprise in Tsurumaru's eyes.

"What's that look for?" Mikazuki asked curiously.

Tsurumaru frowned, chewing on his bottom lip nervously.

"Whatever it is, just say it," Mikazuki demanded, his voice laced with a tremor of panic. "Did you know he was going to break up with me? Did everyone know except for me?"

Tsurumaru looked torn. There was clearly something he wanted to say, but for some reason he was hesitating.

"What aren't you telling me?" Mikazuki hissed.

"I don't think now is the right time to discuss this."

"Tsuru-chan, so help me…"

"Alright, alright," Tsurumaru said, sighing in defeat. "I want you to be honest with me, Mika-chan," he continued. "But more importantly, I want you to be honest with yourself. Did you really believe things were perfect between you and Kogi-san?"

"Of course they were," Mikazuki replied without hesitation. "We were happy. Blissfully so."

Tsurumaru winced at Mikazuki's response, wringing his hands on the table.

"What?" Mikazuki asked. "You don't think we were?"

"Well," Tsurumaru answered carefully. "I think y _ou_ were happy. And I think Kogi-san was happy for a while. But…"

"But what?"

Tsurumaru's gaze flitted to the table. "Mika-chan, your break up with Kogi-san isn't exactly… surprising. In fact, I'm shocked you two made it this far. Everyone in the house is actually. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but Mitsu-kun even had a pool going to see how long you and Kogi-san would last. Saniwa-sama bet 6 months exactly. I still can't believe how much money he won."

Mikazuki chuckled humorlessly, nodding his head and trying to seem amused despite the fact he wanted vomit all over the floor.

"So you all just assumed we would fail," Mikazuki said. "Is that it?"

Tsurumaru sighed heavily, taking hold of Mikazuki's hand. "It was wrong of us to make light of your relationship with Kogi-san, but it doesn't change the fact that the reason you're here now is because of your actions and no one else's."

"I wasn't the one who ended things. Kogitsune…"

"Kogi-san left you because you're selfish and childish."

"That's not true, I…"

"You also have to be right _all_ the time, and you hate losing so much that you cheat so you can win."

"Okay, so maybe I'm a bit…"

"And the way you treat him is just… shameful! Do you know he used to wake up before sunrise so he could finish your chores and his before lunch? We used to make fun of him all the time, but he didn't care. He said it was the only way you two would have enough time to spend together."

"Oh, that's just not true!"

Tsurumaru stared at Mikazuki incredulously. "You didn't do chores for like 4 months, Mika-chan. How else did you think they were getting done?"

"I knew he was doing them, I just…"

"Didn't care?"

"How can you say that? Of course I cared, but I didn't ask him to do those things for me. He did them because he wanted to."

"No, he did them because what takes any normal Sword 20 minutes to do, takes you an hour and a half. Left to your own devices, you'd be doing chores from sun up to sun down. Rather than wait for hours in the blazing sun, hoping you'd be done with stable duty before dinner, Kogi-san decided it would be easier to do your work for you. Hence, more time for you two to spend together."

"So that's why he broke up with me? Because he had to do my chores?"

"No," Tsurumaru said impatiently. "He broke up with you because you treated him like crap. Because instead of saying thank you for all the wonderful and thoughtful things Kogi-san did for you, you acted like none of it mattered. It's clear to anyone with eyes and a brain how much you love him, Mika-chan, but did you ever stop to tell him that?"

Mikazuki started to speak, but stopped when he realized he'd never actually said those words to his ex-lover. Kogitsune had confessed his love every waking moment of every single day, and each time he said the words, " _I love you_ ," Mikazuki's heart would stutter through a beat. It was amazing how those three simple words could change the day, filling Mikazuki with an endless stream of warmth and joy.

Mikazuki had considered saying those words in return, but the thought of doing so made him panic. Confessing his love would open a door that Mikazuki wasn't entirely sure he wanted to walk through. People had a tendency to do stupid things under the guise of love, and Mikazuki refused to be one of them. Besides, he liked his relationship exactly as it had been: Passionate and wild, fiery and carefree. Adding love into the mix would have only complicated things.

"I know you," Tsurumaru continued in a solemn voice, "and I know you love Kogi-san. But admitting that aloud would make it _real_. And that terrifies you. It would mean there's someone in this world that you can rely on other than yourself. It means opening your heart and letting him in; letting him see you and all your flaws. You would be vulnerable then, hoping and praying that he doesn't discover the truth you've worked so hard to hide behind your fake smiles and hollow laughter."

Mikazuki was struck speechless for several seconds, every word from Tsurumaru's lips slicing him to the bone. "Th-that's not true," he stammered.

"It is," Tsurumaru replied quietly. "It's the terrible, horrible, god honest truth. Do you understand now? Do you see why he left you? Kogi-san would have given you the world, Mika-chan. He would've have plucked the moon from the sky if it meant your happiness. He loved you, sincerely and truly."

It was then that Mikazuki felt the finality of it all. Some small part of him had believed Kogitsune would come back to him, realizing he'd made a mistake in leaving. This was a humbling moment for Mikazuki, because he suddenly realized it wasn't Kogitsune who'd made the mistake, but him…

"I'm not telling you this to make a bad situation worse," Tsurumaru said, the tone of his voice softening. "I want you to be happy, Mika-chan. But until you understand and accept where you went wrong with Kogi-san, you'll never be able to move on and truly be happy with anyone else."

"I don't want to be happy with anyone else," Mikazuki replied, unable to stop the confession from slipping from his lips.

"You say that now," Tsurumaru replied, patting Mikazuki's hand comfortingly. "But time has a way of easing the pain. You're going to make it through this, Mika-chan, I promise. But if you don't make a change now, you'll be right back here with the next guy, making the same mistakes as before."

"There isn't going to be a next guy," Mikazuki reiterated, his voice oddly calm despite the fact his heart felt like it had been ripped from his chest, stomped on repeatedly, then put neatly back in place.

"There will be," Tsurumaru said, giving Mikazuki a reassuring smile. "Not now and probably not anytime soon. But one day it won't hurt so much. The struggle is getting there."

"How?" Mikazuki whispered, ashamed of the tremor in his voice. "How do I get there when every day I have to see him walking around the house like he hasn't got a care in the world? I'm the only one suffering right now, and even though it's my fault, it's still not fair. Why am I the only one who's hurting?"

"You don't know what Kogi-san is going through," Tsurumaru replied. "Perhaps he's just better at hiding the pain. Either way, you can't keep torturing yourself like this. For one, you need to eat," he emphasized. "And sleep, believe it or not, is pretty important."

"The smell of food makes me nauseous. And sleep… it comes and goes."

"Things will get better, Mika-chan. You have to believe that. But for now, I think you should go and see the Healer. There's no shame in asking for help, and he might have something to make sleep. Eating might be harder, but if you could just try and take a bite or two at each meal, maybe your appetite will return."

Mikazuki nodded. "I'll go see him now."

"Good," Tsurumaru replied, climbing to his feet and clearing the table. "I'll walk you down there. After, we can grab a snack."

"It's okay. I can make it there on my own."

"Are you sure?" Tsurumaru asked worriedly. "I know what I said was harsh, but I'm still here for you no matter what."

"I know," Mikazuki replied, forcing himself to smile. "And I appreciate it. But right now I need some time to… to process."

Tsurumaru bit his lip, this amber eyes filled with concern. He wanted to argue, but Mikazuki didn't give him a chance to.

"I don't need a babysitter," Mikazuki said, forcing a chuckle. "I'll go straight to the Healer. You have my word."

"What about after? Will you at least join me for lunch?"

"How about dinner instead?" Mikazuki offered. "Right now, I'd prefer sleep over food."

Tsurumaru chewed the inside of his cheek, staring skeptically down at him. Mikazuki couldn't stand the look of pity in his friend's eyes. He didn't want anyone to feel sorry for him, and every time he left his room he could feel the rueful stares and hear the empathetic whispers. It's why he'd kept to himself the past several days.

"Okay," Tsurumaru conceded. "Dinner it is. But you have to promise to eat all your food, otherwise, the bet is off, and I go with you to see Hitoshi-sama."

"I'll clean the entire plate, I swear."

"I'll see you at dinner then," Tsurumaru said, moving towards the exit. "And remember, straight to the Healer."

"I'll be right behind you," Mikazuki replied.

True to his word, Mikazuki left the tea house a few minutes after Tsurumaru. He had every intention of going to the Healer, he really did. He wasn't in the habit of lying, especially not to his best friend. But when Mikazuki decided to take a detour through the elaborate garden that wrapped around his Master's estate, the little hope he'd managed to salvage during his conversation with Tsurumaru evaporated in the span of one strangled breath.

He spotted Kogitsune sitting underneath the canopy of a large maple tree. His long white hair fell over his shoulders, the silken strands blowing gently in the cool breeze. The smile on his handsome face snatched the air from Mikazuki's lungs, making the next breath impossible to take.

Perched at Kogitsune's side was a lovely brunette, her dark locks pulled over her right shoulder and obscuring what was no doubt a beautiful face. Kogitsune must have said something funny, because the soft lilt of the woman's laughter reached Mikazuki's ears.

At first glance, the entire scene appeared completely innocent. The two could have run into each other on the garden path and stopped to chat. But as Mikazuki took in all the little details, he noticed the picnic basket sitting beside Kogitsune's bent knee, the pale blue blanket the two sat on, and the flower tucked lovingly behind the woman's ear. The very same type of flower Kogitsune used to bring Mikazuki every afternoon. The flower he'd adamantly refused to tuck behind his ear on any number of occasions.

Mikazuki realized then that he'd stumbled upon an intimate moment between lovers, and when Kogitsune reached out to cup the woman's cheek, leaning forward to press a kiss to her lush pink lips, his suspicions were confirmed. Frozen in shock and crippled by anguish, Mikazuki remained rooted on the stone path. Unable to tear his eyes away, he watched in muted horror as Kogitsune and the woman kissed.

 _One… Two… Three…_

Mikazuki counted the seconds their lips remained locked, each tick of the invisible clock pounding an imaginary spike deeper and deeper into his heart.

Kogitsune finally broke the kiss, pulling back just long enough to whisper something to the dark-haired beauty. She laughed her whimsical laugh again, but as Kogitsune leaned in to continue their kiss, his crimson gaze caught sight of Mikazuki's rigid form.

They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity, but when Kogitsune moved to stand, Mikazuki held up his hand to stop him. Digging deep into the bowels of his soul, Mikazuki, by the grace of whatever god happened to be paying attention, pasted a smile onto his face. He bowed to Kogitsune, hoping to express both concession and acceptance. It was his way of saying, _"It's over, and I'm glad you found someone else to give your heart to."_

This of course wasn't what Mikazuki felt at all. And as he turned to leave, the smile on his lips slid to ground and shattered at his feet. He felt hollow and empty, the cool breeze seeming to flow through him rather than around him. In that moment, Mikazuki felt nothing. It was like his mind, in its infinite wisdom, shut down the part that processed emotion, allowing him to exist in a place where the pain couldn't touch him.

Mikazuki walked right passed the Healing room, taking a right before he reached the kitchen and making his way to his Master's chambers. Izo Yamamoto, the Saniwa sage Mikazuki had pledged his sword to, opened the door just as Mikazuki was about to knock.

"Mikazuki, is everything alright?" Izo asked, his brow furrowing in concern. "You look… ill."

Mikazuki smiled, the act so fluid and seamless that even he believed it was genuine. "I came to ask a favor."

"Okay," Izo said, pulling open the door and gesturing Mikazuki inside. "How can I be of assistance?"

"There's no need for me to come in, Master," Mikazuki replied. "This won't take long. I came to ask when the next mission is, and if you would allow me to go."

It'll be at least another two weeks before any of us see battle again," he said, the creases in his forehead deepening.

"What about expeditions? Are there any scheduled in the near future?"

"There's on leaving tomorrow, but Yoshi-kun has already volunteered to lead it."

"That's fine," Mikazuki replied casually. "I don't need to be Captain. I'd just like to accompany them."

"Tachis aren't usually sent on expeditions, Mikazuki. You know that. You need to conserve your strength for battle."

"But you said it yourself, Master. We're not scheduled for battle for the next couple of weeks. I could go on the expedition and still have plenty of time to recover for a possible mission." Izo started to protest, but Mikazuki cut him off. "It's just an expedition," he continued. "How much energy would I expend gathering supplies?"

Izo sighed, the look in his pale green eyes a sign he was considering Mikazuki's request.

"How about this?" the sage suggested. "Lady Suizaku is leading a 3 month campaign in Edo. She could use another capable Sword, and I've no doubt she'd welcome your expertise. Unfortunately, her teams are set and her Captains are chosen, so you won't be in a leadership position."

"That's quite alright, Master. I can follow orders as well as any soldier. When does Suizaku- sama intend to depart?"

"This afternoon," Izo replied. "Which means you should've been ready yesterday."

"I'll prepare immediately," Mikazuki replied, bowing graciously.

"Good. In the meantime, I'll send word to Suizaku. Rather than take you to her estate, I'll send you straight to the campaign site. I'll open a portal in about an hour. Can you be ready by then?"

"Yes, Master."

Izo nodded. "Then it's settled. I'll meet you in the courtyard."

"Thank you, Master," Mikazuki replied, keeping his carefully constructed smile in place. "I'll go now and prepare."


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 4  
**

Mikazuki weaved through the rows of tents, moving with absentminded purpose towards his own secluded shelter at the edge of camp. His exhaustion ran bone deep, making the simple act of lifting his feet nearly impossible. But after a 3 month campaign of seemingly endless battles, it was to be expected.

Luckily for Mikazuki, the exhaustion over-shadowed the pain of his injuries. New and old, they covered nearly every inch of his body, none of which he'd visited the Healer for. A trip to the healing tent would mean an end to his suffering, and the exhaustion and pain were the only things keeping the agony of his broken heart at bay.

Mikazuki's physical pain put an end to his emotional anguish, numbing his heart and making it impossible to focus on anything but the torments of the flesh. He existed in a quiet and somewhat comforting shroud of abject interest, temporarily erasing all traces of Kogitsune from his heart and mind. In essence, Mikazuki used his pain and exhaustion as a shield, blocking out everything and everyone. There, in the hollow of his shell, he waited…

"Oy, Jiji!"

Mikazuki turned slowly at the sound of his name, recognizing the baritone voice immediately. Nihongou jogged towards him, a smile on his handsome face. Too tired to speak, Mikazuki nodded his head in silent greeting. He did his best to return Nihongou's smile, but that required far too much effort on his part.

"You eat yet?" Nihongou asked, concern filling his dark grey eyes.

Mikazuki shook his head, cringing at the thought of food.

Nihongou clucked his tongue in rebuke. "Figured as much," he replied, frowning down at Mikazuki. "I made sure to save you a bowl just in case. Come by the fire and we can eat with the others."

"Not hungry," Mikazuki answered, turning to leave. He had no interest in being social. A fact the hard-headed Yari had trouble understanding.

Nihongou grabbed Mikazuki's arm to stop him, frustration etched in his stern expression. "You need to eat, Jiji. If you keep on like this you won't make it through the next battle."

Mikazuki snatched his arm from the Yari's grip, stumbling backwards a step before regaining his balance. "Not. Hungry." Mikazuki repeated, enunciating the words for absolute clarity.

"Then let me take you to the Healer at least. Maybe he's got a tonic or remedy that can get your appetite back. While we're there, we can see if he has something to help you sleep as well."

"I sleep fine," Mikazuki mumbled, turning to leave once more.

Nihongou dove in front of him so fast, Mikazuki didn't have a chance to stop. He slammed into the Yari's massive frame, setting his brittle bones vibrating. If Nihongou hadn't reached out to catch him, Mikazuki would have tumbled to the ground.

"I wish you could see yourself right now," Nihongou said, his voice taking on a pleading tone. "You're not but skin and bones! You're like a feather in the wind, tossed about by the slightest puff of air!"

Mikazuki tried to push the male away, but he couldn't summon the strength he needed to push outward.

"Look at you!" Nihongou continued. "You can't even defend yourself! How you gonna protect yourself in battle?"

Mikazuki jumped back, a surge of anger-fueled adrenaline flooding his system. His sword was in his hand in seconds, the air from the unsheathing ruffling Nihongou's raven hair. He held the tip of the blade at the Yari's throat. One false move and the sword would pierce the delicate flesh.

Mikazuki's ice blue gaze narrowed on the towering male. "Shall I show you?" he bit out.

Nihongou raised his hands in surrender, taking a cautious step back. "Easy now, Jiji. I meant no harm. I'm just worried about you is all. You hardly eat, and every night I see you walking through the camp like a bloody ghost. You're my friend. I just wanna help you."

"I don't need your help," Mikazuki hissed, his arm trembling under the weight of his sword. "And we're not friends."

Nihongou winced at Mikazuki's words, his shoulders slumping at the brutal rejection. Mikazuki immediately felt guilty, wanting to apologize, but not sure how. In truth, he liked Nihongou. The male was easy to get along with and comfortable to be around. Mikazuki couldn't quite explain it, but some unnamed force always drew them together. There was a familiarity between them, almost as if they recognized the same pain buried in each other's souls.

Mikazuki lowered his sword, closing his eyes and taking a moment to calm himself. When he opened them again, Nihongou was still standing in front of him, but instead of one, there was two of him. Mikazuki blinked in confusion, shaking his head to clear his vision. This only made it worse since now there were four Nihongou's.

"Jiji, are you ok?"

Mikazuki heard the question, but it sounded muffled and far away, almost as if someone had shoved his head under water. Mikazuki looked down at his sword, wondering how the blade had become so heavy. The hilt slipped from his fingertips, falling to the ground in slow motion.

Mikazuki lifted his head once more, relieved to find only one Nihongou this time. Unfortunately, the Yari seemed to be growing further and further away. Mikazuki lifted his hand, reaching out for his comrade in vain. His mind was immersed in the sensation of falling, the weight of his body pulling him to the ground.

This was it. The moment Mikazuki had been waiting for. Death had finally come, bringing with it blissful release. No more pain, no more exhaustion. No more running away from his broken heart.

Day after excruciating day, Mikazuki had considered ending it himself, thrusting his blade up and into the cavity of his chest and waiting until his blood and life force had drained from his body. Other days he considered allowing his enemy to do the job for him, but his pride wouldn't allow him to yield to the adversaries he and his comrades fought so fiercely to suppress.

In the end, Mikazuki resigned himself to the slow decay of life, depriving himself of the nutrients necessary to sustain his existence. It numbed his heartache, while at the same time luring him further and further down the path to non-existence. It was a slow sort of torture, tantamount to an agony few would ever experience. But, after a seemingly endless eternity in purgatory, Mikazuki had reached the end. He was finally free…

 **CHAPTER 5  
**

"Master," Tsurumaru asked, filling his plate with food. "Have you heard from Mika-chan lately?"

"Not since last week," Izo replied, popping a cherry tomato into his mouth.

"It was only supposed to 3 month campaign," Izumino chimed in. "They should be returning sometime this week, correct?"

Izo shrugged. "It depends. If things continue on as they have, then yes, they should be back by…"

There was a loud pounding at the front door, cutting off the rest of Izo's sentence. The Swords around the dinner table exchanged looks, wondering if one of them should answer it. Luckily, a servant flitted across the dining room entrance on her way to see who it was. Everyone had started eating again when the first cries echoed through the hall.

Until this moment, Kogitsune had sat quietly, eating his food and pretending not to care about the most recent campaign news. In truth, he was desperate to know when Mikazuki would return. The last time he'd seen the Sword was in the garden. The same day Mikazuki had caught him and Hana having a picnic.

At the time, the intimate rendezvous had seemed like a wonderful idea. Kogitsune had already decided not to hide his relationship with Hana, since hiding it made it seem like they were doing something wrong. But then Mikazuki had stumbled upon their outdoor meal, watching from a distance as he and Hana shared their first kiss.

Kogitsune would never forget the look on Mikazuki's face. The male had tried to cover it up with a smile, but it had been too little too late. Kogitsune could see the pain and anguish swirling in the Sword's crystal blue eyes, watching in silence as all the light and life faded from their azure depths.

A twinge of guilt had slipped passed Kogitsune's defenses, and he'd promised himself that he would address the awkward situation with Mikazuki the first chance he got. Unfortunately, Mikazuki had left for the Edo campaign before Kogitsune had the chance to explain. For the past 2 months, 3 weeks and 4 days, Kogitsune had done nothing but replay that moment over and over in his mind. He knew why Mikazuki had left so suddenly, and so did everyone at the table…

Izo was out of his seat before Kogitsune could blink, everyone at the table rushing after him. By the time Kogitsune made it to the foyer, the entire household was there. He moved towards the front of the on-lookers, wondering what all the commotion was. He wasn't prepared for what he saw.

Suizaku stood beside her Sword, Nihongou. The female Saniwa sage was covered in dirt and grim, the scent of battle and death clinging to both her and her Sword. She spoke frantically to Izo, gesturing to Nihongou and the bundle he held in his massive arms. Kogitsune blinked in confusion, slowly recognizing that the bundle was actually a body.

"I brought him here as quickly as I could," Suizaku exclaimed. "If anyone can save him it's Hitoshi-sama!"

As if summoned by the mention of his name, the Healer appeared, shoving his way through the crowd.

"What's happened?" Hitoshi demanded, pulling his silver rimmed glasses from his pocket and putting them on.

"He's sick," Nihongou answered, staring mournfully down at the person in his arms. "His wound is infected. Our Healer says there ain't nothing to be done, but we thought you might be able to save him."

"Let me see," Hitoshi replied, unwrapping the blanket from around the unconscious male.

Nihongou adjusted the body so the Healer could get a better look. All the color drained from Hitoshi's cheeks.

"My god…" the Healer whispered, covering his mouth and nose to block out the putrid scent that filled the air. "Why was this wound not treated?" he demanded.

Suizaku wiped the tears from her cheeks, giving both Izo and the Healer an imploring look. "He never reported the injury," she replied. "No one even knew he was hurt until it was too late."

"Let's get him to the Healing room," Hitoshi ordered, exchanging an ominous look with Izo. "I'll see what I can do."

The Healer led the way, the crowd erupting into conversation the moment they'd disappeared from view.

"Quiet," Izo commanded, silencing the room in an instant. "All of you are to return to your tasks immediately."

"But Master," Tsurumaru began. "What about…?"

"That was not a request," Izo snapped.

The crowd dispersed, but Kogitsune couldn't seem to make his feet move. He stared at the spot where Nihongou had held Mikazuki's withered and broken body.

Izo appeared at his side, resting his hand on Kogitsune's shoulder. "Mikazuki is strong," he said, his tone confident despite the horrid stench of Mikazuki's wound still lingering in the air. "And Hitoshi is the best Healer in the Order. We mustn't lose hope."

"I did this," Kogitsune whispered. "He left because of me."

"This isn't your fault," Izo said firmly. "If anyone is to blame it's me. I thought the time away would do him some good. Help him get over you. I should've known better. I should've recognized the signs."

"He smells like death," Kogitsune said, his Master's words giving him no comfort. "The rot has set in, probably seeped into his bones by now. It's only a matter of time before the poison floods his veins."

"You don't know that."

"But I do," Kogitsune replied, staring at his Master through the watery veil of his tears. "And so do you. Mikazuki will be dead before the day is done."


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 5**

Death was not as pleasant as Mikazuki envisioned. Sweet release was within arm's reach, but before he could grasp Death's cold skeletal hand, something snatched him back. It was maddening and excruciatingly painful. And as his soul was rent in half, tugged back and forth between the refuge of death and the torment of life, scream after ear-splintering scream tore from his throat. After all Mikazuki had sacrificed… After all the torture he'd willingly put himself through in the promise of eternal peace… How could Death be so cruel?

Mikazuki's eyes fluttered open, his chest seizing painfully as he struggled to suck in a ragged breath. Somewhere in the room a fire sizzled and popped, engulfing the space with its light and warmth. For the first time in ages, Mikazuki felt clean. He was tucked safely underneath a heavy blanket, freshly washed and smelling of newly blossomed sunflowers.

For a moment, Mikazuki wondered if this was what Heaven looked like. If so, it was decidedly disappointing, filled with the mortal pain he was so desperately trying to escape. But as he lay flat on his back, on top of a surprisingly comfortable bed, he realized that the ceiling he was staring at looked oddly familiar.

"You're finally awake," Izo said, his voice drifting over to where Mikazuki lay. "Any longer and I'd have had to start planning your funeral."

Mikazuki turned his head, squinting at the fuzzy image of his Master sitting by his bedside.

"How did I get here?" Mikazuki asked weakly, forcing Izo's face to come into focus.

"How indeed," Izo replied casually. "It's an interesting story really. You arrived on my doorstep half dead, in the arms of a Yari named, Nihongou. He was accompanied by his Mistress, Lady Suizaku, who was so distraught by your condition that she had to delay her return to battle by a full day."

Mikazuki sighed wearily. "So close," he grumbled.

"You sound disappointed," Izo answered sarcastically. "Considering the condition you returned to me in, I'm assuming death was the plan?"

The sage's tone frightened Mikazuki. Izo was furious, and his attempt to keep his anger in check was somehow more terrifying than when he was yelling and screaming.

"I don't know what you mean," Mikazuki answered carefully.

"Is that so," Izo said, glancing down at the piece of parchment laid across his lap. "Well, let's see what the Healer had to say. Perhaps that will refresh your memory." Izo cleared his throat, scanning the document as he read. _"The patient is suffering from a debilitating combination of exhaustion, dehydration and malnutrition. I'd estimate a loss of approximately 22 pounds of muscle weight since last physical._ " Izo looked up, feigning disbelief. "Impressive." He returned his attention to the paper and started to read once more. " _In addition to the massive infection originating in the left thigh muscle, there's evidence of several untreated injuries, to include a fractured left ankle, a dislocated shoulder improperly reset, and torn ligaments in the right knee._ "

"Master, I…"

"Not done," Izo said sharply, his gaze working its way down the parchment. "The Healer goes on to write: _The injury to the left thigh appears to be approximately 4-6 weeks old. It was most likely self-treated, evident by the uneven stitch pattern. There were also signs of healing despite the wound being torn back open and re-sewn at least a dozen times. Due to the patient's already diminished health, infection took hold, turning the wound gangrenous over the course of several days. The rot was so deep that the bone from the knee to the top of the hip turned black all the way through._ Hitoshi finishes with a note here at the bottom: _The infection alone would have caused excruciating pain. How the patient was able to function in this condition is both remarkable and alarming. Final Recommendation: Patient should be placed on inactive status for 6 months to a year."_

"A year!" Mikazuki exclaimed breathlessly, fighting to sit up in the bed again. "But that's…!"

Izo's magic engulfed the room like a tsunami, the weight of it forcing Mikazuki back down onto the bed. The Saniwa sage got to his feet, dropping the parchment onto the empty chair. Linking his hands behind his back, Izo walked slowly to where Mikazuki lay. He stared down at the Sword, his emerald gaze narrowing menacingly.

"You lied to me," Izo said in a tight voice. "And you purposely hid your condition from your Campaign Commander for weeks! You disguised your weight loss by adding layers underneath your clothes, and you intentionally avoided medical treatment despite several serious injuries."

"My injuries were insignificant compared to the others," Mikazuki defended, turning away from Izo's intense stare. "There were soldiers who needed a Healer far more than I. And yes, I missed a few meals here and there, but you know how campaigns are. Food is a luxury."

"You all but stopped eating, Mikazuki! And according to Nihongou, you were constantly giving your food rations to other soldiers. Christ, you should see how you look right now! Seeing you stripped of your clothes is… disturbing. You are completely emaciated! Every single one of your bones is on morbid display through your paper thin skin!"

"It can't be that bad," Mikazuki muttered irritably.

The sage's eyes flashed dangerously. "Not that bad?" he asked mockingly. "You're so malnourished that your bones are as brittle as twigs. I could take hold of your arm right now and snap it in two! Here," he continued, grabbing Mikazuki's wrist, "shall I prove it to you?"

Mikazuki tried to pull his hand back, but Izo refused to release him.

"You see," Izo snickered. "You can't even break my hold."

Mikazuki hissed in pain and frustration. Angry tears filled his eyes, threatening to fall at any moment.

"Do you want to die?" Izo asked, letting go of Mikazuki's arm. "Is life so terrible that total self-destruction is your only option? I know you're in a bad place right now, but however painful your heartbreak might be, death is not the answer."

"You think this is about a broken heart?" Mikazuki bit out.

"What else am I supposed to think?" Izo answered. "Rather than talk about what you're feeling, you shut everyone out. Maybe if you tell me what's really going on, I'd have a better understanding of how to help you."

"I don't want your help."

Izo grit his teeth in quiet rage. "Your selfishness is astounding. The Healer almost died saving your life! Is this how you seek to repay him?"

"I didn't ask to be saved," Mikazuki hissed. "I didn't ask for Hitoshi-sama or anyone else to help me! And if you think my near death experience has somehow opened my eyes to the need for such assistance, then I'm sorry to disappoint."

"Are you so determined to die?"

"You already know the answer to that question," Mikazuki replied. "I hardly think saying the words aloud would make a difference."

Izo inhaled deeply, blowing out a steadying breath. "Fine," he answered solemnly. "If it's death you want, then death you shall have."

Mikazuki's eyes went wide with surprise. "You mean…"

"I have no intentions of murdering you, Mikazuki. But will I not condemn you to this slow torture. I shall give you the release you seek. I will take back the gift of life I bestowed upon you and return your spirit to the sword."

"That's possible?" Mikazuki asked, hope fluttering precariously in his chest. "You can do such a thing?"

Izo sighed heavily. "I can take your life in the same manner that I gave it."

"And you would do that for me?"

"I would do anything to make sure this doesn't happen again. And I have a feeling that if left to your own devices, you will do something to yourself far worse."

"Thank you," Mikazuki whispered.

"Don't thank me yet," Izo replied sternly. "I have conditions."

"I'll do whatever you want," Mikazuki insisted. "Anything."

"Good," the sage replied, "because from this moment on you are under my care. I will personally see to your _full_ recovery."

Mikazuki frowned. "You're going to force me to recover before you put me back into the sword? What sense does that make?!"

"You said you would abide by my conditions. Have you changed your mind?"

"Of course not, it's just…"

"Then it's settled. All missions have been suspended until further notice, and I've left Yoshi-kun to handle the expedition schedules."

"But what about the war?" Mikazuki insisted. "You can't just abandon the mission! You are the Lord Commander!"

"Which is why I've contact Dahlia-sama," Izo replied. "She and her Swords will cover our territory and fight in our stead."

"This is ridiculous, Master! Surely you can see that! Why would you make such sacrifices on my account?"

"Because you are worth it," Izo answered matter-of-factly.

"B-but…"

"The decision has already been made," Izo continued, "and all the necessary actions taken. You're in my personal care as of now, starting with an early lunch."

As if right on cue, the door opened and in walked the cook with a tray of food in her wrinkled hands. She set it on the table for Izo's inspection. While the cook helped Mikazuki sit up in the bed, Izo removed everything on the tray except a bowl of soup and a chunk of bread. When Mikazuki was settled, Izo brought over the tray and set it on his lap.

"Eat," the sage ordered.

Mikazuki stared down at the small meal, and although his stomach was screaming for food at this point, the idea of choking it down made him nauseous.

"I said eat," Izo repeated, dismissing the cook before taking his seat again. "You're going to eat every bit of it, and just to make sure you do, I'm going to watch."

Mikazuki swallowed nervously, picking up the moist piece of bread and tearing off a small chunk. The warm sweetness exploded in his mouth, causing his stomach to growl impatiently. Mikazuki devoured every drop of the soup and every crumb of bread.

"May I have some more?" Mikazuki asked, his belly emphasizing the request.

"Unfortunately, no," Izo replied. "If you try to eat too much food at once, you'll end up making yourself sick. The Healer recommends a small meal every 3 hours. For the next two weeks, you will do nothing but eat, sleep and go to the bathroom. I've assigned two servants to assist me with your physical therapy, so four times a day they, or myself, will come and work the muscles in your legs. According to Hitoshi, this will prevent them from atrophying. Once you've regained at least a quarter of the weight you've lost, we'll increase your portion sizes and begin allowing you to move about on your own."

"Is this really necessary, Master? I understand your concern, but it's not like I'm crippled."

Izo's gaze narrowed in warning. "You have no say in this," he said coldly. "You lost the right to decide what's in your own best interest the moment you allowed yourself to deteriorate to such a state."

"Deteriorate?" Mikazuki scoffed. "I hardly think it's that serious. I'm a bit sore, but nothing that a real meal and a day or so of rest won't cure. You'll soon realize that halting all operations was completely unnecessary."

"Is that so?" Izo answered. "How about this?" he said, moving roughly 20 feet from Mikazuki's bed. "If you can walk to where I'm standing without assistance, I'll release you from my care and return you to the sword immediately."

"Deal," Mikazuki said, sliding the tray off his lap and folding back the covers.

He placed his feet on the heated tile floor and stood slowly. Looking up at his Master, he smiled confidently and took his first step…

The ground shifted violently beneath him, the floor rushing up to meet his face. Izo didn't even try to catch him, letting Mikazuki slam into the ground with such force that the air swooshed out of his lungs.

Mikazuki tried to get up, but his arms felt like noodles, too weak to support the weight of a feather. He lay on the floor, his cheek pressed to one of the large square tiles.

Izo snickered bitterly. "Nothing a good meal and a few days of rest won't fix, right?"

Mikazuki bristled with anger and embarrassment, the sarcasm in his Master's voice nothing short of infuriating. To make matters worse, Mikazuki could feel the tears starting to leak from the corners of his eyes.

"You've made your point," Mikazuki said in a choked voice. "Now leave."

"At least let me help you up," Izo replied, the shuffling of his feet drawing closer.

"No," Mikazuki hissed. "Just go."

"You can't expect me to leave you like this."

"If I can't get myself back into that bed, then I deserve to stay right here on this floor."

"Now you're just being dramatic," Izo answered drolly.

"Could you at least grant me some modicum of pride?" Mikazuki asked, his voice trembling uncontrollably. "I will do as you say, Master. I will eat when you say eat, I will sleep when you say sleep, and I will shit when you say shit! All I ask is that you allow me this one request!"

All the muscles in Mikazuki's body clenched as he waited for Izo's reply. He was on the verge of breaking down, and he didn't want any witnesses. Once again the scuffling of feet echoed in Mikazuki's ears, but this time the footsteps moved away from him. When the door clicked shut, Mikazuki counted backwards from ten. Then, and only then, did he allow his tears to fall.


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 6**

Mikazuki's return sent a ripple of shock and terror through the entire estate. Whispers filled every corner of the house, all of them shadowed by morbid hopelessness. For three long and solemn days, Death had stalked their halls, the feel of its icy cold breath an omen of ill news. The Healer, in his relentlessness, waged war with the unseen spirit, pulling Mikazuki back from the cusp of oblivion.

When word of Mikazuki's survival had reached everyone's ears, the chorus of cheers had shaken the very foundation of the massive house. Kogitsune had been happier than anyone in the entire estate, but as his fellow Swords embraced each other in joy and sweet relief, Kogitsune was engulfed by a wave of guilt. Mikazuki had almost died, and it was his fault.

"Did you hear me, Kogi-kun?"

Kogitsune blinked, turning towards the intrusive voice. Hana stared at him expectantly, her expression filled with concern.

"I'm sorry," he replied. "Did you say something?"

Hana frowned, disappointment bright in her pale blue gaze. "I asked if you wanted to go into town this evening. The festival begins tonight."

Kogitsune ran a hand through his hair, the thought of going out exhausting him to the core. "If you don't mind, I think I'll pass. Why don't you ask one of your friends to go with you instead?"

"I suppose I could ask Mai-chan to go, but I thought…" She paused, giving Kogitsune a pleading look.

"I know I promised to take you, it's just… with everything that's happened lately, I… I need some time to process."

Hana's eyes flashed with what looked like anger, but the emotion was gone before Kogitsune could identify it.

"What happened to Mikazuki-san wasn't your fault," she said stiffly. "It's been over a month since his return. How long are you going to punish yourself?"

"You don't understand."

"I'm trying to," she replied in exasperation. "But every time I mention his name you shut down. I thought you were over him, but the longer you sit here brooding, the more I start to realize the truth."

"And what truth is that?" Kogitsune asked in irritation.

"That you still love him."

Kogitsune stared at the beautiful woman sitting before him. She was perfect in nearly every way. Sweet natured and understanding, she was exactly the kind of woman any man would dream of marrying. Any man expect for Kogitsune…

"You knew what you were getting into when we started this," Kogitsune began. "I told you from the beginning I couldn't make you any promises."

"I know that, but…"

"Do you?" Kogitsune asked, cutting her off. "I'm starting to think you don't. If you did, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now."

"Can you blame me for wanting a future with you?" she asked frigidly. "We're good together. Why shouldn't I hope for something more?"

Kogitsune closed his eyes, rubbing them with his thumb and forefinger. He liked Hana, enjoyed her company. But he knew now that he could never give her what she hoped for. When it came to love, Kogitsune had already given his heart and soul to someone else. He had nothing to offer her or anyone for that matter. Perhaps one day Kogitsune would learn to love another, but that day wasn't today and that person wasn't Hana.

Kogitsune reached out and took her hand in his. "I'm so sorry, Hana, but I can't give you what you want. I care about you and your happiness, but I can't give you the companionship you deserve. I thought you understood that, but I see now you and I were never meant to be more than friends."

Hana snatched her hand free, and this time when her eyes flashed, Kogitsune could tell it was anger.

"You are cruel," she hissed. "I would have given you anything, but all this time you were simply using me to make yourself feel better! And you have the nerve to call Mikazuki-san selfish. You're no better than he is. If you ask me, you deserve each other."

Kogitsune had the good grace to feel bad for the pain he'd caused Hana, but it was because of her chastisement that he realized the truth in this moment. He and Mikazuki did deserve each other. In fact, Kogitsune was quite sure they were meant to be all along. As content as he'd been with Hana, Kogitsune could now say that he would rather have one good day with Mikazuki, than a thousand good days with the woman sitting just a few inches away.

"I think you're right," Kogitsune said, climbing to his feet and offering to help Hana up. "I just wish I hadn't had hurt you in order to figure that out. Words will never be able to express how truly sorry I am, Hana. I won't be foolish enough to ask for your forgiveness, but I will continue to hope for it."

Hana took Kogitsune's hand, rising gracefully to her feet. "I will grant you my forgiveness, Kogitsunemaru-san. For it will be the last bit of hope you will have in the days to come."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Hana's demeanor turned icy cold, a small smile playing on her lips. "I know a secret about your precious Mikazuki," she answered, leaning up as if to kiss Kogitsune on cheek. "If I may, I suggest you spend as much time with him as you can."

Kogitsune grabbed Hana by her shoulders, pushing her away. "If you mean to harm Mikazuki, so help me, I'll…"

"I have no intentions of harming him," she answered dryly, breaking free of Kogitsune's grip. "If I were you, I'd be more concerned about what he's going to do to himself. Or rather, what Izo-sama intends to do for him."

"Say what you have to say, and be done with it," Kogitsune demanded. "I will not indulge your petty jealousy any longer than I have to."

Hana grit her teeth in silent rage, her true colors now proudly on display. "You will come back to me," she hissed, "crawling on your knees! The moment Mikazuki returns to the sword, you'll beg me to…"

"What?" Kogitsune exclaimed, his mind unable to process Hana's inadvertent revelation.

"You heard me," she smirked. "Izo-sama intends to place Mikazuki's spirit back into the sword, so the epiphany you just had about you and beloved is now irrelevant. Whatever future you thought you two were going to have was over before it even started."

 **CHAPTER 7**

Mikazuki sat on the stone bench, his eyes closed and his head tilted back as he savored the warmth of the sun on his skin. It was strange, but the closer he drew to his inevitable passing, the more beautiful the world around him became. Just this morning he'd risen early to watch the sunrise; the combination of colors so incredibly breathtaking it brought him to tears. So many things he'd taken for granted in his lifetime. So many people as well…

"There you are."

Mikazuki turned at the sound of Nihongou's voice.

"I managed to escape my guards," Mikazuki replied with a huff of frustration. "But it's only a matter of time before they find me again."

"I saw Mai-chan on the way in," Nihongou chuckled. "She's barking out orders like a general in battle. She's got every servant in the house looking for you."

Mikazuki rolled his eyes, waving his hand dismissively. "I'm not a child," he remarked. "The way she treats me, you'd think I was a bloody infant."

"You've got no one to blame but yourself," Nihongou snickered, dropping onto the bench beside Mikazuki. "All this could've been avoided if you'd just…"

"Please," Mikazuki begged, holding up his hand to stop the male from finishing his sentence. "I've heard enough lectures to last me a lifetime. Izo-sama gives me one at least once a day. And if I'm really lucky," he added sarcastically, "twice a day. I'm starting to look forward to returning to the sword."

Nihongou stiffened, his hands clenching on his lap as he fought to remain calm. Needless to say, he disagreed with Mikazuki's decision to leave the mortal realm indefinitely.

"Sorry," Mikazuki whispered, resting his hand on top of Nihongou's balled fist. "Let's not speak of it anymore. Tell me, how've you been? You look well. If I had to guess, you've got good news to share with me."

Nihongou relaxed a little, color filling his cheeks.

"Well, go on," Mikazuki encouraged, bumping his shoulder against the blushing Sword's arm. "How is Chiyo? Have you finally confessed to her?"

"How did you…?"

"I know that look," Mikazuki answered with a knowing smile. "I imagine I've made it myself a few times. It's a shame I didn't realize what such a look meant until it was too late. You, my dear friend, are in love."

"I-I wouldn't say that," he sputtered. "We've only just met, and… and…"

Mikazuki couldn't help but laugh. Nihongou was always so confident and self-assured. Seeing him flustered was nothing short of amusing.

"…and you like her," Mikazuki deduced.

Nihongou's blush deepened, going from pale pink to bright red. "I don't know what I feel," he replied, looking helplessly at Mikazuki. "She makes me happy. Happier than I ever thought possible. After… after I lost my Saniwa, I didn't believe I could ever… feel like this again. I care about Chiyo, but I can't help but think I'm betraying my beloved Kimiko."

Mikazuki was familiar with the tragic tale surrounding the death if Nihongou's Saniwa, Kimiko Fujimoto. She was a powerful sage, and a trusted friend of Izo. In fact, Kimiko was one of Izo's advisors, making her a constant presence in the Yamamoto household. When word of her death spread, the entire Order went into mourning. Mikazuki had been among the bereaved, but it wasn't until recently that he'd learned of Nihongou's connection to Kimiko. The Yari and his Saniwa had been lovers.

"Betray her?" Mikazuki asked. "How so?"

"I loved Kimiko," Nihongou replied, his tone solemn and nostalgic. "I still love her. And when she died, part of me died with her. I kept thinking I'd never be able to feel like that again but… then I met Chiyo," he continued, his expression softening and his voice taking on a lighter tone. "I can't explain it, Jiji. For so long I was lost, but Chiyo… she found me."

"I'm happy for you," Mikazuki replied. "No one deserves a second chance at love more than you."

Nihongou sighed heavily. "That's the problem. The love of my life is gone, and here I am seeking solace in the arms of another."

"Is that so wrong?" Mikazuki asked, resting his hand on Nihongou's knee. "The love you shared with Kimiko-sama was real and true, but… she's gone now. Do you really think she'd want you to mourn her forever?"

"I don't know."

"Yes, you do," Mikazuki countered. "You know Kimiko-sama better than anyone else. She would want you to find happiness again, and you know it in the deepest part your heart."

"I miss her," Nihongou whispered in a broken voice.

"You can miss her and still find love again. Chiyo-san will never replace Kimiko-sama, and if I had to guess, she's not trying to."

"No," Nihongou answered with a sad smile, "she's not. In fact, Chiyo encourages me to talk about her; to remember who Kimiko was and how much I loved her. It's strange to find such a remarkable woman, isn't it? A person who's willing to share my heart with a ghost."

"You are exceedingly blessed. Chiyo-san sounds like an incredible woman. I only wish I could meet her."

Nihongou turned to face Mikazuki, taking the male's hand and squeezing it gently. "But you can. If you'd just… turn from the path you're on, you could…"

Mikazuki snatched his hand free, looking away from the determined glare of the Yari. "We've had this discussion at least a dozen times. The decision is made."

Nihongou sucked his teeth in irritation. "So I'm the only one who can find happiness again?"

"It's not the same."

"It is, you're just too bloody stubborn to see it!"

Mikazuki huffed in frustration. "I'm not like you. I'm not… capable of such love. Why can't you understand that? Something inside me is… broken. Beyond repair!"

"How can you say that? Everything you went through during the campaign, everything you're experiencing now, it's because you love Kogitsunemaru!"

"Don't you think I know that? This is exactly what I mean! You don't understand! None of you do!"

"Then help me to. Please," Nihongou begged. "I care about you, Jiji. I care about how you're feeling and I care about what happens to you. I wanna help you through this, but I can't do that it you don't let me in."

"I can't let you in!" Mikazuki exclaimed, angry tears of frustration pooling in his eyes. "That's the problem! My heart is filled with Kogitsune, and there's no room for anyone else."

"That's not true. In time you'll see that."

"Time?" Mikazuki spat, his tears now streaming down his face. "Let me tell you something about time. I love Kogitsune more than life itself, and the exact moment I realized that, is the exact moment I lost him. One second my entire world was filled with possibilities I never imagined, and the next every single one of them was snatched away! In the span of a single breath, I. Lost. Everything! I had love, Nihongou. It wasn't perfect, but it was beautiful, and I threw it away! I could live a thousand lifetimes, and never get back what I lost. Why would I want to stay here a second longer?"

"Because of me. Because of all your friends. We're your family, Jiji. _We_ love you, isn't that enough?"

Mikazuki wiped the tears from his cheeks, forcing himself to calm. He closed his eyes, taking several breaths before answering Nihongou's question.

"I'm sorry my decision upsets you. Your reaction is part of the reason I haven't told anyone else my plans."

"I'm not surprised. If anyone else knew the truth, they'd tell you what a bloody fool you are."

"And I'd agreed with them," Mikazuki replied, turning back toward the brooding Yari. "But I'd tell them the same thing I'm going to tell you. I'm tired. I'm tired of finding reasons to wake up in the morning, and I'm sick of forcing myself to sleep at night. I want to be at peace, Nihongou. I want to feel… _nothing_. I know what it is to love completely and lose absolutely. Existing in this state is nothing short of torture."

"I know what you're feeling," Nihongou countered. "I know how hard it is to see the light when you're surrounded by nothing but darkness. But trust me when I say there is hope. You can be happy again. You just have to want to be."

Mikazuki smiled, cupping his friend's cheek comfortingly. "You and I are different creatures, Nihongou. Your heart is full of life and light, overflowing with warmth and love everlasting. But mine…" Mikazuki paused, squeezing his eyes shut in shame. "My heart is ice cold. The only warmth it's ever known was the love of Kogitsune. And now that it's gone, I…" he shook his head, staring up at Nihongou with pleading eyes. "I can't stay here," he finished in a quiet voice.

Nihongou pulled Mikazuki into his arms for a sudden hug, squeezing him tightly. "I'm gonna miss you."

Mikazuki rested his head on Nihongou's shoulder. "I'm going to miss you, too."

 **CHAPTER 8**

Kogitsune rounded the corner, slamming blindly into Izo Yamamoto.

"Excuse me, I…" Kogitsune paled when he saw who it was. Instinctively, he took a step back, bowing reverently to his Saniwa. "Master, forgive me. I didn't…"

"What are you doing here?"

"I-I, uh… I came to see…"

"I know who you came to see," Izo answered, grabbing Kogitsune roughly by the arm and dragging him back the way he'd come. "The question is why?"

"Because I…"

"You know what," Izo hissed. "I don't care. You need to leave. Now!"

Kogitsune yanked his arm free, straightening his shoulders and standing to his full height. Izo was close to a foot taller than him, but he refused to back down.

"I'm not leaving until I see Mikazuki."

His master's right eye twitched ever so slightly, causing Kogitsune's heart to jump in his chest. Fear swirled in the pit of his belly, but not even the promise of a reprimand would deter him.

Izo took a calming breath, his rage just barely contained. "You can't be here right now."

"Why not? You can't hide him away like this! He's not a prisoner!"

"I'm not hiding him!" Izo snapped. "And would you please keep your voice down? I don't want him to know you're here!"

"But he needs to know I'm here! I have to apologize! There's so much I have to explain. Things I need to…!"

Izo snatched Kogitsune by the collar, slamming him so hard against the wall it sent the air rushing out of his lungs.

"I don't care what _you_ need, or what _you_ have to explain. This isn't about YOU!" Izo bit out. "The fact that you can't see that is reason enough to keep you away from him!"

"I didn't mean to…"

"I don't care what you meant to do," Izo hissed through clenched teeth. "If you had any idea the state Mikazuki is in right now, we wouldn't be having this argument!"

Without thinking, Kogitsune shoved his Master away, his hand instinctively going to his sword.

"Draw that weapon, and it will be the last thing you do," Izo warned, his voice dropping several octaves.

Kogitsune swallowed nervously, lifting his hands in surrender. "I would never harm you, Master. I would die sooner than draw my sword against you. It's just… Hana told me what Mikazuki plans to do. What you're planning to help him do!"

Izo sucked is teeth in irritation. "Can no one keep a secret these days?" he muttered under his breath.

"So it's true? You're going to put him back into the sword! That's tantamount to murder!"

"Which is why I'm trying to save his life!" Izo snarled. "He is broken, Kogitsune! In a way that you and I will never understand. I'm trying to help him work through his pain, but right now he is place where I cannot reach him. I'm doing everything in my power to keep him alive, but it will take time and patience."

"Let me help you," Kogitsune begged. "Keeping him isolated like this will only make things worse! You won't even let Tsuru-chan see him! He's Mikazuki's best friend, for gods' sake!"

"The last thing he needs is a swarm of people asking him how he's going. They'll offer him support and encouraging words, but those words will fall on deaf ears."

"What about Nihongou? He comes to see Mikazuki almost every day! Why is he allowed to see him and no one else?"

"Because Mikazuki has formed a connection with him. Nihongou suffered a great tragedy in his past. He lost someone he loved dearly, and her death is something he blames himself for. Mikazuki sees the guilt Nihongou carries as direct reflection of his own, and it is their shared grief that has brought them closer. But recently, Nihongou found the strength to move past his pain. He has found love again, and it's my sincere hope that his example will inspire Mikazuki to do the same."

"And has it?"

"That remains to be seen. Hope is a foreign concept to Mikazuki right now. He is in the midst of an internal struggle, and the only one who can save him is himself."

"I don't understand, Master. I'm trying to but I… I-I can't."

"It's not for _you_ to understand, Kogitsune." Izo sighed heavily, his frustration and exhaustion etched into the lines of his face. "Do you want to know what he told me?"

Kogitsune nodded his head, desperate for any insight into his beloved's mind.

"He believes he is… flawed. I think his exact words were that he is 'fundamentally broken.' He is convinced he's incapable of experiencing or expressing love the way others do. And if he can't give you the kind of love you deserve; the one person in the world he's ever felt any kind of feelings for, then it's a logical assumption that he will never be able to love anyone ever again."

"That's ridiculous! He's filled with more love and passion than anyone I've ever known! That's why I get so frustrated with him! We were always on the brink of this great and incredible love! But every time we got too close, he'd pull away. All his… fake smiles and empty laughter. He pretended he didn't care. It was like nothing matter him! It was like… I didn't matter to him." Kogitsune ran both his hands through his hair, his tears building in the back of his throat. "I was wrong, wasn't I? I shouldn't have left him. He made this choice because of me, Master. You have to help me fix this."

"This isn't your fault, Kogitsune. There was no way to anticipate such a drastic response on Mikazuki's part. Unfortunately, what ails him can't simply be fixed. He's is on a dark and twisted path of self-discovery. As much as we want to help him, change and acceptance cannot be found until Mikazuki is ready to pursue a different path."

"And if he doesn't?" Kogitsune asked, pinning his Master with a beseeching look. "What happens if he stays on this same path?"

"Then I'll have no choice. I gave him my word. If Mikazuki has not reconciled his demons by the time he's fully recovered, then I will place his spirit back into the sword."

"But you can't!"

"I can and I will," Izo replied, his tone firm and unyielding. "My Sword is suffering. I will do whatever is necessary to bring him peace. Now go," the Saniwa commanded, "and leave me to my work."

Kogitsune clenched his teeth in muted frustration, but did as his Master ordered. The last thing he wanted to do was complicate an already complicated situation. Izo seemed to have a handle on things, so Kogitsune decided to concede defeat. For now…

 **CHAPTER 9**

 ** _5 Months Later…_**

It had been quite some time since anyone had faced Izo in single combat. Though he was a sage and capable of wielding seemingly unlimited amounts of magic, he went into battle with a sword on his hip just like his soldiers. In all honesty, Izo was more skilled than most of the Swords in his service, so, in order to be cleared for battle, newly trained Swords were required to defeat him in combat.

Mikazuki had already proven himself capable of defeating his Master. In fact, the Sword held the record for the fastest disarm, relieving Izo of his sword in a shocking 7 minutes and 36 seconds. Naturally, as the entire household crammed into the indoor sparring room, excitement hung heavy in the air. And though gambling was frowned upon, Shokudaikiri Mitsutada was calling out bets and taking money in the remaining few minutes before the match.

Kogitsune took a seat by the door, leaning against the wall. Since he was taller than most of the people in the room, he would have a clear view of the upcoming battle. This was the closest to Mikazuki he'd been in months, so it was difficult to contain his eagerness. He'd lost count of how many times he'd tried to sneak into his beloved's rooms, only to be thwarted by Izo and his army of servants.

In his desperation, Kogitsune had resigned himself to observing Mikazuki from afar. Izo reserved the entire East wing of the estate for Mikazuki's use, and though its gardens were isolated from the rest of the household, one could get a clear view of them from the windows of the adjacent wing. Kogitsune spent hours in one of the second story bedrooms, observing Mikazuki's slow recovery through the glass of its windows.

The first couple of months were the worst. Mikazuki was so pale and thin, he looked like a ghost wandering the grounds. Even the shortest of walks exhausted him, so he was often shadowed by Izo or one the servants. Twice the male had collapsed, resulting in a visit from the Healer. Even from his distant perch, Kogitsune could see Mikazuki's pain and frustration. He appeared determined to recover, yet reluctant at the same time.

Fortunately, as the days passed, Mikazuki became stronger and seemingly more energetic. It wasn't long before his sword was back in his hands, testing his skills on either Nihongou or Izo. His expedient recovery filled Kogitsune with hope, helping him to remain patient as he waited for this very day. This battle was the last step in Mikazuki's recovery, and what Kogitsune prayed would be the first step towards their reconciliation.

"This is so exciting!" Tsurumaru chirped, skipping into the room. "It's been so long since I've seen Mika-chan fight. I hope he hasn't lost his edge."

Tonbokiri followed closely behind Tsurumaru's slight frame, nodding to Kogitsune before taking the seat beside his petite lover.

"Master personally saw to his re-conditioning," Tonbokiri replied, taking Tsurumaru by the wrist and pulling him close. "And knowing Saniwa-sama, he wouldn't have organized this requalification if he didn't think Mika-san was ready."

"True," Tsurumaru said, settling onto Tonbokiri's lap so he could see over the crowd. "I did manage to see Mika-chan briefly yesterday. He seemed to be in good spirits, so…"

Tsurumaru's words trailed off as the room quieted. Mikazuki entered from the side door, his head held high as he glided to his position. He was the embodiment of grace and elegance, his hands steady and his pale blue gaze crystal clear. To anyone in the room, Mikazuki was the picture of calm serenity, but Kogitsune could see the truth. Mikazuki was nervous. Terribly so. The smile on his lovely face faltered every so often, almost as if he'd forgotten he was supposed to look confident and self-assured.

"He's gained weight," Kogitsune remarked, speaking to Tsurumaru and Tonbokiri. "That's a good sign."

"Still got a ways to go," Tonbokiri replied. "Even from here I can see the way his clothes hang off his body."

"It's only been a few months," Tsurumaru interjected. "It's hard to regain muscle weight, especially since Mika-chan wasn't that big to begin with."

"Does he look nervous to you?" Mitsutada asked, squeezing into the spot in front of Kogitsune. "I've fought Mikazuki a thousand times, and I've never seen him look so…. so…"

"Stiff?" Shishiou offered, glancing over his shoulder and joining the conversation.

"Yeah," Mitsutada replied, "that's the word."

"He looks fine to me," Tsurumaru shrugged.

"He's not," Kogitsune said. "See how tightly he's gripping the hilt of his sword? You can see the whites of his knuckles from here. He's trying to keep his hand from shaking. And look at his left hand. He can't stop tugging on the tassel of his breast plate."

"I thought I was just imaging it," Mitsutada muttered, squinting as he examined Mikazuki more closely. "Good thing I put my money on Master."

Ookurikara, who was sitting quietly beside Shishiou, glanced over his shoulder, glaring menacingly at Mitsutada.

"What?" Mitsutada asked innocently. "I'm not the only one. Odds are four to one in Saniwa-sama's favor."

Ookurikara said nothing, but his eyes narrowed ever so slightly. Mitsutada swallowed nervously, loosening the collar of his shirt with his index finger.

"I can't change my bet now," Mitsutada muttered. "And it's not like I want Jiji to lose."

"Could've fooled me," Tsurumaru snorted.

"You guys act like I'm the only one who thinks Master is going to win!" Mitsutada exclaimed.

All the heads in the room turned to look at Mitsutada. The one-eyed Sword slouched down, trying to hide in the sea of people. Mikazuki turned to look as well, noticing Kogitsune sitting behind Mitsutada. They stared at each other for several moments, the look so intense it felt as if they were the only ones in the room. But, just like that, the moment vanished. Mikazuki looked away, leaving Kogitsune feeling cold and empty.

"Is it too late to make a bet?" Kogitsune asked.

"Not at all," Mitsutada winked.

"Good," Kogitsune said, digging out a handful of coins from his pocket. "I'll bet everything on Mikazuki."

 **CHAPTER 10**

Mikazuki hadn't expected such a large crowd. He'd kept to his quarters for the better part of 6 months, so for many of the people in the room, it was his first time seeing them in quite some time. One person in particular was a surprisingly welcome sight. The thought of Kogitsune made his heart ache with longing and regret, but it was nice to see the male's face one last time.

Mikazuki and his Master agreed to announce his return to the sword this evening at dinner, but he couldn't bear the thought of facing his comrades afterwards. There would be outrage and angry objections, and though Mikazuki's mind was already set, he didn't want to have to explain himself to anyone. So, he decided he wouldn't…

He could hear Death's solemn call. It whispered to him, promising an eternity of blissful oblivion. All it would take was one poorly timed block and the pain would end. Mikazuki inhaled deeply, forcing himself calm. Why should he fear Death now? It was the only certainty in his crumbling world, so rather than allow his fear to take hold; he let it all go with an exhale.

Mikazuki bowed his head in a moment of silence, praying to whatever god was listening. He didn't ask anything for himself. Instead, he prayed for his Master, hoping the powerful sage would forgive him for what he was about to do. He prayed for his friends; the comrades he'd fought alongside for so long. He begged the Heavens to grant his extended family peace and acceptance; eternal joy and everlasting happiness. But, above all things, Mikazuki prayed for Kogitsune. He prayed the Sword would find the love he so deserved.

When Izo entered the room, Mikazuki lifted his head. He couldn't help but smile when his gaze fell upon the magnificent sage. If he had to choose a way to die, this would be it. At the hands of his beloved Master…

There was no exchange of words, only a slight nod of the head when both parties were ready. They took their fighting stances, pausing for the length of a second before lunging at each other.

 _What a rush!_ That was Mikazuki's first thought. It felt good to battle again; to let his body move to the natural rhythm of war. For a moment he forgot himself, allowing his mind to slip into that place between instinct and survival. But as fatigue started to seep into his bones, the thrill of excitement faded. Reality, in all its grotesque glory, reared its ugly head.

Now was the time to make his move. Here, at the height of battle. It would happen so fast, no one would ever see it coming. Mikazuki moved to block, but angled his blade so that it would glide just past the edge of his Master's. In the last second, he closed his eyes, waiting for the blade to pierce his chest. The blow never came, but a chorus of choked gasps and strangled cries still echoed through the room.

Mikazuki opened his eyes, blinking to clear his vision. Before him stood his Master, his blade covered in blood. Izo's green eyes were wide with shock and confusion, his sword slipping from his grasp and clattering to the ground. Mikazuki followed his Master's horrified gaze, gasping softly when he saw Kogitsune lying at his feet.

"What have you done?!" Mikazuki exclaimed, dropping to his knees beside Kogitsune.

"Too slow…" Kogitsune whispered through clenched teeth. "I-I… I saw…"

"Don't talk," Mikazuki ordered, tearing a piece of fabric from his sleeve and pressing it to the gaping wound in Kogitsune's chest. "I have to stop the bleeding."

"The Healer!" Izo commanded the room. "Find him and bring him here at once!"

"No," Kogitsune gasped, fighting through his pain. "Not much… time."

"Don't say that!" Mikazuki hissed. "Everything's going to be fine. The Healer will be here soon, and he'll…"

"I love you," Kogitsune said in rush, resting his palm on top of Mikazuki's blood-soaked hands. "I… I never stopped."

Mikazuki couldn't keep the tears from falling. They poured from his eyes without care for where he was or who would see.

"Damn you!" Mikazuki sobbed angrily. "You can't say that. Not now! It's not fair!"

Kogitsune laughed, but it came out as a strangled cough. "There he is," he breathed. " _My_ Mikazuki. My fighter… my life… my love…"

Kogitsune went completely still, the light fading from his eyes at the exact moment he breathed his last breath…

 _ **To be continued...**_


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER 11**

The world went completely silent. The anguished screams and sobs of the onlookers threatened to bring the house tumbling to the ground, but Mikazuki heard nothing. He stared down at Kogitsune's expressionless face, desperate to find even the slightest remnant of the life still fluttering in his vacant gaze.

People were moving all around Mikazuki, and he was vaguely aware of the Healer's arrival, but no one made a move towards Kogitsune's lifeless frame. The Sword was gone, and there was nothing to be done. It was only a matter of time before…

Mikazuki gasped softly, watching in quiet agony as Kogitsune's body glowed brightly, turning translucent. The warmth fled from his skin, his flesh turning ice cold as his body hardened into what could only be described as a metallic glass. When Mikazuki reached out to brush the hair from Kogitsune's face, his beloved's entire frame shattered in a cloud of silvery dust.

Mikazuki stared down at what was left of Kogitsune, his mind trying to process the reality of this single moment. Everything had happened so fast: Kogitsune's confession, his death, and then this… The totality of Kogitsune's entire existence had been wiped cleaned from the world. One moment he was there, and the next… there was nothing left. Not even his sword.

"Come away, Mikazuki," Izo whispered, bending down to help him up.

Mikazuki shoved his master away, shaking his head in defiance. He was angry, his rage building as it fed off his complete and utter despair. Though it was Izo's sword that ended Kogitsune's life, it was Mikazuki who'd caused his death.

"I need to…" Mikazuki's words trailed off as realization dawned. "I-I… I don't…" he swallowed, his stomach turning violently as the tears poured down his cheeks. "I don't know what to do."

For months, Mikazuki had moved towards one single purpose: The ultimate end of his suffering. It had consumed him, giving him focus and purpose. Now he was suffering a thousand times over, but even in this moment of debilitating anguish, blind rage and utter disbelief, Mikazuki knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that death would not provide the escape he so desperately wanted. He had no purpose now. No hope of escape from the torture tearing apart his world.

"You don't need to think about that right now," Izo whispered, kneeling in front of Mikazuki and pulling him into his arms. "Right now you just need to hold onto me."

Mikazuki clung to his Master, allowing wave after wave of pain to wash over and through him. He wept without restraint, his tormented cries filling the room and echoing in his ears. He cried until he couldn't breathe. He wept until there were simply no tears left to fall.

"Here," Izo said, taking a glass from the Healer and lifting the rim to Mikazuki's lips. "Drink this."

Mikazuki was too distraught to fight, taking a sip of the warm liquid and sighing softly as the heat rippled through his trembling frame. He took another sip, and then another, some small part of his mind wondering how a simple cup of tea could offer such comfort. But when his eyelids started to grow heavy, he realized he was drinking more than just tea.

"Sleep," Izo murmured, gesturing to someone Mikazuki couldn't quite focus on. "We'll take care of you."

Mikazuki shook his head, trying to keep his eyes from closing. "N-no, I have to…"

"Hush now," Izo ordered in a gentle voice. "There will be plenty of time to figure this all out. But now is the time to rest."

Mikazuki's eyes fluttered shut, his body relaxing in his Master's arms. Though he was under sleep's alluring spell, Mikazuki could just make out his Master's whispered conversation.

"How long are you going to keep him like this? Drugged and complaint?"

Mikazuki recognized Nihongou's baritone, flinching unconsciously at the fear and sadness in his friend's voice.

"For as long as I have to," Izo replied. "After what Kogitsunemaru has done here today, I owe it to him to protect Mikazuki."

"You worry Mika-chan will try to follow him into death?" Nihongou asked.

"I don't know," Izo whispered brokenly. "I just know I can't lose them both."

Those were the last words Mikazuki heard before slipping into the quiet solitude of sleep…

Mikazuki remained in this prolonged state of shock for what felt like an eternity. Between the crying and grief-stricken screams, drug induced sleep, and staring up at his ceiling for endless hours, Mikazuki had lost all sense of time.

Tsurumaru visited every day, and Nihongou came by so much, it was a wonder the Sword hadn't moved himself into the house. Sometimes Mikazuki remembered their visits, and sometimes he was too lost in his own world to completely register their presence.

In the end it was Izo who brought Mikazuki back from the edge of despair. It was a strange thing that the sage would be his savior. After all, Izo was the one who'd dealt the final blow. Still, Mikazuki didn't blame his Master for Kogitsune's death. In terms of his suffering; in comparison to his guilt and anguish, Mikazuki felt like Izo was the only one who understood the true depth of his grief.

At first they simply sat together in silence, Izo holding Mikazuki's hand as the Sword cried inconsolably. The sage knew there was nothing he could say or do to change the wretched truth. Kogitsune was gone and he was never coming back. There was no solace; no reprieve from the pain. All Izo could do was be there for Mikazuki. Though he tried to hide it, there were days when Izo cried with him, sharing the burden of pain between them.

After a while, they started to talk. Not about Kogitsune's death, but about little things. The weather, what was for dinner, and all the happenings in and around the estate… Inconsequential as it might seem, these conversations were what pulled Mikazuki from the darkness. They were like anchors to the world still waiting just outside his door, which gave him the small push he needed to start rebuilding his life.

When the day came that Mikazuki was well enough to step outside the sanctuary of his room, he slowly but surely started reconnecting with friends and old acquaintances. It took time, but soon he rediscovered the things that brought him joy, and he was able to find some modicum of peace in spite of the soul-crushing pain he carried with him each and every day. Mikazuki was in mourning, and he would remain so for the rest of his life. He would never love again. Not the way he'd loved Kogitsunemaru.

 **CHAPTER 12**

 ** _3 months later…_**

Mikazuki stared out the open sliding door. Summer was once again drawing to end, bringing with it memories Mikazuki wanted to remember, while at the same time wanted to forget. How many times had he and Kogitsune played games in this room? Laughing and arguing… Mikazuki liked to think those were happy days; joyful and carefree. Illusion or not, focusing on the good parts of their relationship helped Mikazuki make it through each day.

"Hey," Nihongou said, appearing behind Mikazuki. "Izo-sama said I'd find you in here."

Mikazuki looked up, smiling at his friend before scooting over to make room for him to sit.

"How are you feeling?" the Yari asked, dropping onto the floor.

Mikazuki shrugged, gazing off into the distance. "I think I'd feel better if people stopped asking me that question every time they saw me."

"Sorry," Nihongou muttered. "It's just…"

"I know," Mikazuki cut in, turning to face his friend. "You're all worried about me, which is to be expected considering all that's transpired. I only hope there will come a day when you visit me and you don't have _that_ look on your face."

"And what look is that?" Nihongou asked innocently.

"The one where you're surprised to find me still here. Alive and breathing."

"It's not surprise," Nihongou countered. "It's relief. It's joy. It's the moment I realize I get to spend another day with you."

Mikazuki laughed softly, shoving Nihongou gently. "Stop, you're going to make me cry."

"I'm serious," Nihongou said, despite the smile on his face. "I don't want to lose you. Neither do the others. And there are some days when you scare us."

"Am I not allowed to mourn?" Mikazuki asked, turning away.

"Of course you are. But you go days without talking or seeing anyone. This is the first I've seen you in a week."

"There's no need to worry on my account," Mikazuki replied. "I've no intention of harming myself."

"You say that, but…"

"There are no 'buts,'" Mikazuki snapped. "I would not dishonor Kogitsune's sacrifice by taking my own life. He died to save me. He believed my life to be more important than his own. Fool he was, I will not disgrace his memory."

"He loved you, Mika-chan," Nihongou said in a quiet voice. "And when you care about someone the way he cared about you, it's not a sacrifice."

Mikazuki brushed his hand over his eyes, hoping the Yari wouldn't see the tears forming in them. "I loved him, too. It's strange how easy it is to say the words when there is no one to hear them. I have such regret, Nihongou. There were so many things left unsaid between us."

"Then say them now. He will hear you. We Swords talk about death like it's final; like it's the end of all things. True, we aren't human, not in the traditional sense anyway. But do we not feel as keenly as the Saniwa we serve? We exist in the realm of the eternal, living and yet never getting old. But this illusion of immortality doesn't mean we are without souls. There is a place for us in the afterlife, too, Mika-chan. A place where we can go to watch over the ones we love in the here and now. I believe Kogitsune waits for you there. And when your time comes, when fate has called you home, he will be there to greet you."

"Ever the optimist," Mikazuki replied, resting his head on Nihongou's shoulder. "I don't dare to hope for such things. I don't deserve them."

"Kogitsunemaru believed you were worth his life. Trust me. He will wait an eternity and a day to be by your side again."

Mikazuki closed his eyes, trying to picture Kogitsune's face in his mind. He imagined his beloved's smile, filled with love and unbridled happiness. What he wouldn't give to see it again.

"Are you up for a visit?" Nihongou asked. "I've brought someone I'd like you to meet."

Mikazuki sat up, pinning Nihongou with a chastising look. "I can't believe you would make Chiyo wait like this!"

"It's not Chiyo I meant. I mean, she's here, too, but it's… it's someone else."

"Who then?" Mikazuki asked curiously.

"My son," Nihongou answered with a smile. "I want you to meet my son."

"A baby? When? How?!"

"A few weeks past. And as for the how, well… I'm guessing you know that already," he chuckled softly.

Mikazuki laughed, covering his mouth with his hand. "A baby? _Your_ baby! I can't believe it! Why didn't you tell me?!"

"With all that was going on with you and your recovery, and then… and then Kogitsune's death… To be honest, there was never a good time to bring it up."

Mikazuki slapped Nihongou on the back, his smile turning a bit sad. "New life should always be celebrated, no matter the circumstances, tragic or otherwise. I'm so happy for you and Chiyo. This is incredible news!"

"I can scarce believe it myself. He's perfect, Mika-chan. The most perfect creature I've ever laid eyes on."

"Well, don't keep me waiting," Mikazuki replied excitedly. "Bring him here so I can meet him!"

As if on cue, Nihongou's wife entered the room carrying a bundle in her arms. Mikazuki climbed to his feet, bowing respectfully to Chiyo.

"So you're Chiyo," Mikazuki said, smiling at the woman. "You're even more beautiful than Nihongou described. Utterly breathtaking."

Chiyo blushed, bowing her head in response. "Thank you, Mikazuki-sama. It's an honor to finally meet you. Nihongou holds you in high esteem. I'm grateful to know he has such a wonderful friend."

"I wouldn't say wonderful," Mikazuki chuckled. "And if anything, he's been a far better friend to me than I have to him."

"Stop being modest, Mika-chan," Nihongou interjected, winking down at him. "It doesn't suit you."

Mikazuki laughed, moving forward to get a closer look at the baby. "He so small," Mikazuki whispered, taking care not to startle the infant. "And he looks just like his mother. Thank goodness for that."

"Hey!" Nihongou smirked.

Mikazuki shared an amused look with Chiyo before turning back to the child. "You were right, Nihongou. He's perfect."

"Would you like to hold him, Mikazuki-sama?" Chiyo asked.

"No, I couldn't, he's too small and delicate."

"Nonsense!" Nihongou declared. "Come sit here and hold him. It's the only way to meet my little Daichi properly."

Mikazuki had no choice but to do as he was told, sitting back down and allowing Chiyo to settle the baby boy into his arms. The infant stared up at Mikazuki, kicking his small feet and waving his tiny arms.

"I think he's excited to meet you as well, Mikazuki-sama," Chiyo said with a giggle.

"I'm excited to meet you too, Daichi," Mikazuki replied, speaking to the tiny infant in his arms. "Your mommy and daddy named you well. Daichi is a good, strong name befitting a future Saniwa." Mikazuki let the baby wrap its small hand around one of his fingers, laughing softly when the infant squealed happily.

"That's quite a grip you've got there, and already I can feel your magic growing inside you. If I didn't know any better, I'd think I was holding the next Lord Commander in my arms."

"Izo-sama said the exact same thing," Nihongou laughed. "Chiyo was tested as a child, but she didn't have the magic required to gain entry into the Order. Izo-sama seems to think Daichi will exceed all expectations. I'm assuming that's why your Master is so interested in my son's future."

"As well he should be," Mikazuki replied, brushing the pad of his index finger gently across Daichi's cheek. "This little boy is going to be the greatest Saniwa the world has ever seen. I personally guarantee it."

 **CHAPTER 13**

Mikazuki walked through the garden, enjoying the night's cool breeze. Nihongou's visit had lifted his spirits tremendously. Meeting little Daichi had changed him. The shadow of despair still hung heavy upon his shoulders, but even the finality of death paled in comparison to the beauty of new life. Daichi's soul was pure and untainted, and for Mikazuki, the child's mere existence represented something he'd believed impossible and unattainable. The tiny baby was the physical embodiment of hope everlasting; proof that in the midst of tragedy, hope never dies. It is simply reborn over and over in an endless cycle of love.

Handing Daichi back to his parents was the hardest thing Mikazuki had ever done. In fact, the moment his friend had left, Mikazuki had gone straight to his Master, requesting that he be released from Izo's service the moment Daichi came of age. Izo had laughed, questioning if Mikazuki understood that it would be years before Daichi would be able to take on a Sword. And even then, there was no guarantee he would become a Saniwa Sage. Mikazuki had smiled in response, and rather than explain his rational, he simply asked the same question once more.

Izo had sobered immediately, understanding passing between them. Mikazuki had sensed it too; the power Izo had felt upon meeting the tiny child. Without another word, Izo granted Mikazuki's request.

And so, Mikazuki set upon this new path; a journey that would lead to him to experience love in all its forms. His heart, once cold and closed off, would be opened in ways he would never understand. He might not have realized it then, but Daichi would be the key to his eternal happiness.

 **CHAPTER 14**

 ** _21 years later…_**

"How do I look?" Daichi asked, frowning down at Mikazuki.

Mikazuki looked Daichi up and down, walking around the tall dark haired male. "Very impressive, Daichi-sama," he replied with a nod of approval. "You look like a real Saniwa."

"You think? I feel foolish in this armor."

"This armor, foolish as it might be, will keep you alive and safe."

Daichi snorted. "You sound like my mother," he drawled.

"A wise woman," he winked, adjusting Daichi's breastplate. "She's proud of you, as am I. If your father was still alive, he would be proud of you, too. In fact, it would be him helping you prepare for your first battle."

Daichi's expression turned mournful, and there was a touch of anguish in his steel gray eyes. "I'm glad you're here, Mika-san. I wouldn't have made it this far if it weren't for you and father. I might not have my father at my side, but still have you. I can't believe Lord Commander Izo just… gave you to me. It is a gift I don't deserve."

"Nonsense," Mikazuki chuckled. "Izo-sama did not give me to you; I asked to be relinquished into your service long before you ever raised a sword."

"Really? How did you…?"

"There will be time for stories once the battle is won," Mikazuki chastised. "There are three of you vying for the title of the next Lord Commander, and though you are the only one worthy of the title, you must first prove it to the Council. You and your competition will be sent into three different eras simultaneously. You will be judged on every decision you make as well as every mistake. You must be brave and unyielding, while at the same time cautious and open to guidance from your Captains. No one man wins a war, but one poorly calculated move by you could end it all."

Daichi inhaled sharply, breathing out slowly. "No pressure," he chuckled softly.

Mikazuki laughed as well, his heart stuttering through a beat as a flash of crimson eyes and a cheeky smile flitted through his mind. In that moment he felt incredibly happy and utterly sad at the same time.

Daichi reached out, cupping Mikazuki's cheek intimately. "What's the matter?" he asked, brushing his thumb across Mikazuki's cheekbone. "You suddenly look so sad. If you're worried, don't be. I'm ready for this."

Mikazuki rested his hand atop Daichi's, savoring his touch for several moments before pulling the male's hand away.

"I know you are," Mikazuki replied. "You just… remind me of someone I used to know. He was brave and strong and as hard-headed as you," he snickered softly.

"Kogitsunemaru?" Daichi asked hesitantly, biting his lip when Mikazuki's gaze widened in surprise. "Sorry, it's just… you never talk about him."

"That's because there's nothing to talk about," Mikazuki said firmly, hiding the fact that he was dangerously close to falling apart.

"You're lying. Father told me about him before he died. He said you loved him. He said… he said Kogitsunemaru is the only person you would ever love."

Mikazuki turned his back on Daichi, lifting his head to hold back his tears. He couldn't have this conversation. Not now.

"Is that why you chose me?" Daichi asked, moving closer to Mikazuki. "Do you see parts of him in me?"

"Some," Mikazuki replied, taking a calming breath. "There are moments… like right now," he added with a nervous laugh, "when I see his spirit in you."

"And that makes you cry?" Daichi asked in confusion.

Mikazuki wiped the tears from his cheeks, squaring his shoulders before turning to meet Daichi's gaze. "You are your own man. And if I'm crying, it's only because I'm so proud of you. This is the moment you have worked hard to reach. I've watched you grow and learn, and become an honorable and just man. You will lead this Order into a new and glorious age. There is no one more suited to rule than you are, and I am grateful and humbled to have witnessed your each and every step towards greatness."

"You're going to make me cry," Daichi laughed, tugging at his garments shyly.

"I doubt that," Mikazuki grinned, looking up at the male's towering frame. "Now enough of this. Today marks the beginning of your victory. They will sing stories of your greatness, and when the dust settles, you will have the earned the title of Lord Commander."

"Thank you, Mika-san," Daichi replied. "Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for staying at my side, and… and thank you for granting me the honor of bearing this symbol upon my armor. The Fox gazing up at the Crescent Moon… I remember when I was young and you tried to teach me what it meant. It took over a decade of lessons, but I understand what it means now."

"Do you?" Mikazuki asked, handing Daichi his sword. He paused, running his hand over the symbol engraved into the sage's breast plate. It was of a lone fox, gazing up at the crescent moon in silent longing.

Daichi nodded, smiling sadly as he took Mikazuki's hand in his. "It's why even though you love me, and I love you, we can never be together."

Mikazuki stiffened, pulling his hand away. "That's not what I taught you. The symbol was created after Kogitsunemaru's death, and at my suggestion, but you're a fool if you believe this symbol represents nothing more than the love he and I shared. You are destined to fail if you cannot see the bigger picture before you."

Daichi sighed heavily, running his hand down the front of his breastplate. "The symbol represents devotion," he explained in calm and reverent voice, "not to one person, but to something bigger than one's self. It's about a belief in a love so strong and all-encompassing, that it gives us the courage to fight even when we believe all hope is lost. As Lord Commander, I must never lose faith. To second guess myself and give into my fear leads to the darkness and evil we fight. To lose hope is to fail, and to fail is to allow the darkness to win. I must be the light. I must be the Moon, removed from the world and often forgotten, but yet vital to its continued existence."

"And why can you never be the Sun?" Mikazuki asked sternly.

"Because the work I do; the work every sage and every Sword does, must be kept from the ones we protect. Our good deeds and victories will never be recognized under the light of day. We will save countless lives, but those people will never know the sacrifices we've made in order to do so. In essence, you cannot be the Sun when your work demands humility."

"And what does the Fox represent?"

"The Fox is the embodiment of those who will serve me," Daichi continued. "It represents longevity; an enduring commitment to those we protect. It is a symbol of protection; signifying that we are the last defense against the evil we fight. The Fox gazes up at Moon with courage in its heart. The war it fights seems endless; vicious and cruel in ways it never thought possible. But in spite of that fact, the Fox knows the Moon will never falter or fail. Its mere presence is proof positive that the light of a new day will still dawn. Both the Fox and the Moon understand that death is not the end, but the death of hope is."

"You're ready," Mikazuki said, nodding in approval.

Daichi tried to smile, but there was none of the usual light or life in it. They were about to go to war, and there was no place for such things.

"Will you stay by my side?" Daichi asked Mikazuki. "I might be ready," he added with a nervous laugh, "but I'll feel better knowing that you're close by."

"Of course," Mikazuki answered. "I swore an oath to not only serve you, but to protect you as well. Now," he said, "steal your resolve. Calm your spirit and focus on the task at hand. You are already Lord Commander; all of this is nothing more than a formality."

Daichi nodded, but Mikazuki could tell there was fear in his heart. He'd helped raised the towering male, and after so many years at the Saniwa's side, Mikazuki could read him like a book.

"It's okay to be afraid," Mikazuki said. "Fear is what keeps us alert and vigilant. Only a fool goes into war believing he is invincible."

Daichi nodded, inhaling sharply and blowing it out slowly. "To war."

 **CHAPTER 15**

Mikazuki moved through the battlefield with skill and grace, cutting down his enemies all while barking out orders to the Swords and soldiers under his command. It was brutal and exhausting, and every soldier Mikazuki dropped was replaced immediately by another, and then another, and then another…

All the while, Mikazuki kept Daichi in his line of sight. The sage was strong and brave, everything a Saniwa should be. But the male was impulsive, and there were times in battle when Daichi lost sight of the bigger picture. Mikazuki trusted his Saniwa with all his heart, but he knew that arrogance and inexperience were the downfall of every sage. Daichi was as humble as they came, but as for the latter… Well, war is an art. And as with any form of true artistry, it takes years to master.

Mikazuki saw the enemy archer take aim, his feet moving before the arrow flung from the bow. For half a second, Mikazuki thought he wouldn't make it in time, but when the arrow split his chest cavity like a knife through butter, his last breath was one of relief. His Master was spared. The Saniwa would live another day, and with any luck, Daichi would be named the next Lord Commander. Pity that Mikazuki wouldn't be alive to see it…

Every soldier accepts the inevitability of death. It comes for us all, and fighting it is like trying to keep the sun from rising in the East. In the end, Mikazuki felt no pain, only an overwhelming sense of freedom and acceptance. Mikazuki and Death had a precarious relationship ever since Kogitsune's spirit departed the mortal realm. Every day Mikazuki wanted to die; to join his lover in the afterlife. But when the one you love most in the world sacrifices their life to save yours, you owe it to them to live on. To find happiness and purpose where you can, so that when you meet them again you can look upon their face and say, _"I lived, I loved and I lost; and all of it I did for you."_

Mikazuki opened in eyes, staring up at the cloud-filled sky. He felt no pain, no heartache. For the first time since the day his lover had been taken from this life, Mikazuki felt peace. He sat up, looking around him and realizing that he was still on the battlefield. Men were fighting and dying all around him, but Mikazuki couldn't hear a single battle cry or clash of swords. It was utterly silent, and no one around him even noticed he was there.

Mikazuki climbed to his feet, searching for Daichi in the cloud of dust. He found his Master crouching on the ground, clutching the body of a fallen soldier to his chest. Mikazuki thought it was such an odd sight. After all, why would Daichi mourn the life of one fallen soldier when his men were dying all around him? But then the dust swirled in a sudden gust of air, and Mikazuki saw the face of the soldier Daichi was holding.

Mikazuki stared down at his own lifeless body, not sure what to think or say. He was so confused, so lost and isolated that his consciousness couldn't grasp the truth of what he was seeing. He was dead, his spirit now free of its human body.

"Are you afraid?"

Mikazuki froze, recognizing the voice immediately. He turned slowly, the air rushing out of his lungs when his gaze landed on Kogitsune's handsome face.

"There's nothing to be afraid of," Kogitsune continued, the corners of his lips lifting in a smile. "You're safe now. There is no pain here; no fear. Rest now, Mikazuki Munechika, your journey has come to end."

Mikazuki started to speak, but for several moments, nothing came out. He couldn't seem to process Kogitsune's presence or the fact that he was dead.

"You waited," Mikazuki said in a rush, voicing the only thought that came to mind.

"Of course I waited," Kogitsune replied, his expression slightly confused. "In life and in death, there is no me without you."

A humorless laugh burst from Mikazuki's lips, the smile on his face filled with joy and love. "I thought I'd never see you again. I thought…" His words broke off, his voice filled with too many emotions to name. "I'm sorry," Mikazuki said in a rush. "I never got to say those words. One moment you were there and the next…" he paused, steading himself and chancing a step closer to his long lost love. "I love you. I've always loved you. I never stopped loving you. I should've said it every day you were at my side. It wasn't until you were gone that I realized how much I needed you. I was a fool, Kogitsune. If I'd have realized how much you meant to me back then, you'd still be alive."

Kogitsune closed the distance between them, pulling Mikazuki into his arms. "If I were still alive, we wouldn't be here now, sharing the wonder of this incredible moment. I've waited a lifetime for this, Mikazuki, and even if I had the power to go back in time, I wouldn't change a single thing."

Mikazuki clung to his lover, never wanting to let go. He looked up into Kogitsune's eyes, starting to speak, but realizing there was no need. The way his lover stared down at him was all the reassurance he needed. Kogitsune knew all the words of Mikazuki's heart whether he spoke them aloud or not.

"Come," Kogitsune said, smiling as he took Mikazuki's hand in his and led him away from the fighting. "There is no place for us here."

Mikazuki looked back at Daichi one last time, momentarily torn between the staying and the going.

"I wish I could have said goodbye," Mikazuki replied.

"You loved him," Kogitsune said, no jealously or anger in his voice, "and he loved you. For that I'm grateful. Your heart is open because of Daichi. He taught you how to love. He gave you something to live for."

"I do love him," Mikazuki replied, turning back to Kogitsune, "but not the way that I love you. I will miss Daichi, and I will always wish for the chance to have said goodbye, but just like you I've been waiting for this moment. I had no way of knowing if you would be here when Death came to take me; no way to know for sure if an eternity without you would be my punishment for being so reckless and selfish. But then there were these moments when I felt you with me," he continued, his voice catching in his throat. "It's like… you were everywhere; in everything and everyone. Especially Daichi," he added with a heartbroken chuckle. "He was so like you it sometimes hurt to be near him. All the same, I am glad to have crossed his path. I'm better for having known him."

Kogitsune smiled sadly, reaching out and wiping the tears from Mikazuki's cheeks. "I never knew spirits could cry. I feel as though it's the saddest thing I've ever seen."

Mikazuki shook his head, turning it Kogitsune's hand and pressing a kiss to his palm. "There's no cause to be sad. This is the happiest moment of my life. Or rather, death," he added, grinning widely as the tears continued to fall.

"Are you ready then?" Kogitsune asked.

Mikazuki glanced back at Daichi one last time, whispering a silent goodbye on the wind. Without another thought to the past, he turned back to Kogitsune. This was his future and Kogitsune was his eternity.

Mikazuki nodded, allowing Kogitsune to pull him away once more. Without another backwards glance, the two Swords disappeared into the swirling dust of the battlefield.

 **END~**


End file.
